Since the May issue of Reader’s Digest has hit the stands and the mailboxes, my mailbox has been overflowing with responses from readers. Today’s column includes 10 more letters that I read from daughters-in-law on the subject of what they wish that their mothers-in-law would never say.
- I wish my mother-in-law would not say things like "the children don't know me" and also stop saying that whenever we are around other people.
- My mother-in-law might be invited to our home more often if she didn't just show up at times when it is extremely inconvenient, like on Sunday morning when she knows we are heading out the door to church.
- She tells me that she just doesn't think I am good enough for her son.
- I wish she would ASK first before jumping in the kitchen to cook, do the dishes, or feed my child. Sorry, but this is OUR house, not yours, and I'm the woman in this house. You may have jumped right in when your son was single (but that was because he was afraid to stand up to you), but he's married now.
- I wish she would tell us what she wants to do when she visits (or before) and get feedback, instead of insisting that she's the one making the plans for everyone. That may be how it's done with her husband, but that's not how her son and I work.
- I wish she would ASK if she could come for a visit and what times she's thinking, instead of emailing or calling and saying she's coming for a visit.
- I wish my mother -in - law never insisted that my spouse, our children and I live with her.
- I wish that all of the child-rearing questions/suggestions weren't directed at me. When the diaper bag gets forgotten - I receive the comments. Her son fathered these children and he is just as capable of making sure the diaper bag gets in the car as I am.
- I don't appreciate mini-interrogations about the kids' health, eating habits, etc. Perhaps she doesn't mean it that way - but, I am a mother - and I don't take kindly to ANYONE questioning me about how I make decisions when raising my kids. I am certain she wouldn't appreciate questions like, "Well, why isn't your adult daughter employed yet?
- That I'm taking her son away from her.
As a mother-in-law, I have re-read these comments more than once and understand how each one of them could have a negative affect on a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. BUT, I also can understand how some, not all, of them might have happened. The desire to see your son, your daughter-in-law and your grandchildren can be so powerful that the words get out of your mouth before you have had a chance to think about their impact.
So, my advice is to take a deep breath and think, whether you are the mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law, before you speak.
Don’t forget to take a look at the article, “13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won’t Tell You” at http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/13-things-your-motherinlaw-wont-tell-you/article125467.html.
Talk to you soon.
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