The last time I wrote, I shared some tips I found in an article written by a daughter-in-law, and published on a site called Blissfully Domestic, www.blissfullydomestic.com, and I promised I would share the rest of them in a future column. So, here we go with Kirsetin’s words of wisdom from “I Can’t Stand My Mother-In-Law, Part Two.
"Whenever women gather, all around the world, they share a bond when they discuss their mothers-in-law. Wives nod in understanding or agreement when we describe how lucky we are to have scored such a good MIL, and nod again when someone else runs down their laundry list of completely reasonable complaints.
1. Be specific. More than likely, in time, you’re going to have to have some sort of conversation with your husband that starts like this: "Your mother never… or your mother always…" Superlatives will get you nowhere, so just go ahead and get rid of them. If you’re having a tough time with your mother-in-law, be specific. For example: "It bothers me when your mother doesn’t have our children brush their teeth in the morning after a sleepover." Let your husband know what bothers you, then talk to your mother-in-law yourself. Don’t text her. Don’t e-mail her for goodness sakes. Get some cojones and talk to her face to face. It’s the old "Do Unto Others." If something you were doing really bothered your daughter-in-law, especially something that was easy to remedy, like brushing teeth, wouldn’t you want her to mention it? Your MIL will probably appreciate your forthrightness, too.
2. Not gonna change her. If a woman’s first mistake is looking past a man’s faults in the hopes that he’ll change after they walk down the aisle, her second is assuming that she can change her mother-in-law. No way, no how, this ain’t gonna happen. So give it up. Think of it this way: how do you feel about breast vs. bottle? If she takes a hard stance the other way, showing you research, talking to you about the pros and cons, really trying to sway you to her point of view, are you going to change your mind? (Seriously, that’s just rhetorical.) No, you’re not going to change your mind because you can think for yourself and you have very good reasons for believing the way you do. Life is like this one little issue. We all have years of input and experiences that shape us. So do our mothers-in-law. Understand that sometimes you will just have to agree to disagree and move on.
Putting these ideas into practice can help you if your main differences are differences of opinion, or style, and in the fundamental aspects of life, you are all on the same page. Theoretically, this shouldn’t be too tough, since you’re married to her son, but man, oh man, it doesn’t seem to be that easy, does it?"
I've missed all of you, as I have been "on the road" with the new book this month. But, making time to write is a priority, so...talk to you soon.
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