February 3 -- And now, back to our regularly scheduled Tiger Woods programming.
Since the last episode of “Where in the World is Tiger Woods?” what seems to be a completely fabricated report claimed that Woods will “make a shock return” to golf in two weeks, while one of the game’s “elder statesmen” repeatedly lectured Tiger about his lack of decorum on and off the course.
Yup, same ol’, same ol’ here on the All-Tiger, All-the-Time channel.
First up: Woods’ alleged return.
Tiger loves match play. A reporter from Australia’s Herald Sun apparently decided the world had suffered long enough without a new Tiger rumor and “reported” that the mid-February Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona would make the perfect landing spot for Woods.
That is, of course, following Tiger’s rehab turn at the Gentle Path sex-addiction clinic in Hattiesburg, MS -- a “fact” that has never been, and likely never will be, substantiated.
“The world No. 1 is set to stun the world by returning to the Dove Mountain course where he made his comeback from knee surgery last year,” Mark Hayes breathlessly wrote from Down Under.
Why there, and why then? Why not? Turns out the match play event -- sponsored, of course, by one of the first companies to dump Woods as a pitchman after his sex scandal went public -- is one of Woods’ favorite tourneys, according to, well, Hayes.
No inside source. Hey, why bother with troublesome little details like sources if you’re going to spout off about Woods’ return to the public eye? Hayes even eschewed the popular, well-traveled, and amazingly connected “insider with knowledge of the situation,” who’s been the wellspring for almost all Tiger Woods speculation since that fender bender on November 27.
Then there’s Tom Watson, who can’t seem to shut up about Woods.
The runner-up in last year’s British Open will get no argument here about the lack of class Woods shows when he throws tantrums and clubs.
“I think he needs to clean up his act...and show respect for the game that the people before him have shown,” Watson told reporters prior to the Dubai Desert Classic.
Watson -- like Woods -- should just zip it. But Watson’s claim that Woods has less “stature” than Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, and Byron Nelson was just embarrassing to the 39-year tour veteran.
Of course, it’s Woods’ own fault that every gasbag on the planet has permission to tee off on him. Seriously, would Watson ever have uttered such dreck if it weren’t for Woods’ self-inflicted implosion and self-imposed hiatus from golf and the world?
Speaking of which, and in the “who asked?” category, the world could certainly do without Watson’s musings about what the embattled golf great must do off the course.
"I'll let the cat out of the bag," Watson said. "Tiger has to take ownership of what he’s done. He must get his personal life in order. I think that's what he's trying to do....And when he comes back he has to show some humility to the public.
"I would come out,” Watson rambled on, “and I would do an interview with somebody and say, `You know what? I screwed up. And I admit it. I am going to try to change. I am trying to change. I want my wife and family back.’"
Remember bikini wax? This, by the way, is the same humorless Tom Watson who helped oust Gary McCord from the Masters tourney at Augusta (a tradition like no other; barf!) because the CBS golf analyst dared to joke that the hallowed greens were as slick as bikini wax. So take Watson’s soporific sermonizing with as many grains as salt as you need.
Oh, as for the “source with knowledge of the situation?”
That unimpeachable font of knowledge told RadarOnline that Woods will finish his six-week stint in Mississippi by the end of this week and take off for parts unknown with his wife, Elin Nordegren. Mrs. Tiger Woods has, according to the same insider, dumped her divorce lawyer and wants “to try to make the marriage work,” says Radar.
And that’s about as on the record as it gets here in Tigerville.
While Boston golfers may have to weather six more weeks (or is that months) of winter, they can look forward to a visit from one of the LPGA Tour’s greatest golfers. Read about the award that Annika Sorenstam will receive from Boston’s Ouimet Fund.
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