Tiger Woods' affairs were "worst-kept" secrets, says Esquire

December 2 -- Tiger Woods’ skirt-chasing "Woman Thing" was “one of the worst-kept secrets on the PGA Tour” way back in 1997, according to Esquire Magazine’s Charles P. Pierce, a Woods’ acquaintance for more than 12 years.

• Tiger Woods' life has become a soap opera filled with allegations of affairs and mea culpas for "transgressions," as these photos will attest

“I can’t say I’m surprised -- either by the allegations or by what’s ensued since Friday’s wreck,” writes Pierce, who, you may recall, wrote a pre-1997 Masters victory profile of Woods that included a Woods’ retelling of sophomoric, sexist jokes. Pierce notes that Woods’ “People” at the International Management Group (IMG) were outraged that the writer should expose a chink in the Teflon armor they were carefully building for Woods.

The story eventually played itself out and Woods went on to become, well, Tiger Woods -- “the best golfer who ever lived, and a towering corporate brand,” according to Pierce.

Yesterday’s gone. Fast forward to 2:25 Friday morning, Nov. 27, 2009, when -- well you know what happened.

Pierce brands as “utter science fiction” Woods’ cover story about hitting two unmoving objects within spitting distance of his driveway, and his courageous wife pulling him to safety from a “non-burning vehicle” by smashing the back window with a golf club.

(Pierce, by the way, suggests a lob wedge for such purposes. He paraphrases the old joke by noting there’s no way Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, used a 2-iron to tee off on the SUV since, of course, Tiger Woods is the only living being “who can hit anything with a 2-iron.”)

Can’t keep it zipped. With the events of the past week or so, what jumps out of Pierce’s piece is the big secret that “everybody” kept about Woods’ inability to keep his putter in the bag, as it were.

“Everybody knew,” Pierce writes of Woods’ womanizing. “Everybody had a story. Occasionally somebody saw it, but nobody wanted to talk about it” above a whisper in a bar late at night.

Corporate stooge. And it wasn’t just about the chasing; the creation and protection of the corporate brand was just as odious, as Woods became “good friend, valued confidant, and treasured commodity to every unsavory plutocrat on the planet, from the leaders of Chevron to the oil-sodden sultans of the Persian Gulf,” according to Pierce.

(You know the honchos running that sponsor Woods' own Chevron World Challenge golf tourney are gonna love that little tidbit, as their annual contest becomes a sideshow to the three-ring circus that has become Woods' life.)

The IMG machine wrapped Woods in a “marketing cocoon [that was] almost impenetrable,” Pierce says.

“The Tiger Woods that was constructed for corporate consumption was spotless and smooth, an edgeless brand easily peddled to sheikhs and shakers,” writes Pierce. “The perfect marriage with the perfect kids slipped so easily into the narrative it seemed he'd been born married.”

Not a pretty picture, but one, as Pierce notes, that will likely follow Woods for the rest of his career. And it’s all his own fault.

The stuff hit the fan earlier today, when Us Weekly hit the Web with allegations of yet another Woods’ extra-marital affair. Read about it and listen to the audio of a voicemail message Woods reportedly left for Jaimee Grubbs at Tiger Woods admits transgressions as voicemail and other women surface.

You can never see this video too often. Check out Wanda Sykes' take on the whole Tiger Woods thing: