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Last month, Gwinnett Gluten Free Food Examiner posted an article about Dear Abby's advice to a hostess concerned about accommodating an allergic guests' dietary needs, wherein Abby said to serve the guest a salad or invite them over less frequently.
The summer volume of City Journal recently ran an article about "America's Food Revolution" that was by and large about the availability of fine foods and five-star dining in the US. However, almost as a parenthetical aside, the author of this article, Jerry Weinberger, makes a statement that suggests that eating a diet appropriate for one's digestive system is tantamount to bad manners:
When I was a kid, my parents taught me that if someone invites you over for dinner, you eat what they serve and—however disgusting it is—you clean your plate and compliment the host. Or if someone takes you to a restaurant, even Dutch treat, you say it’s terrific, even if it stinks.
Just try having a dinner party today. You’ll have to contend with perfervid vegans, virtuous vegetarians, persistent pescatarians, lamb-phobics, tongue-phobics, veal-rights advocates, the gluten-intolerant, the lactose-intolerant, the shellfish-intolerant, the peanut-intolerant, the spicy-intolerant, and on and on in an ever-fragmenting array. … All this has a lot to do with the decline of traditional manners and the rise of personal assertiveness and the yuppie belief that we can engineer our own immortality. Food matters so much now that it can make tyrants of our dearest friends and neighbors.”
This was not the main point of the article, but you'd better believe that this is the part that stuck in my craw.
There are two things about Weinberger's statement that really bother me.
First, an allergy or food intolerance is not a matter of choice, it's a matter of health. I'm certain that it is the height of bad manners to send a party guest into anaphylactic shock by sneaking ground peanuts into a sauce. The ruckus created by scrambling for an epi-pen or calling an ambulance will surely detract from polite conversation.
"We need to get people over this idea that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie." says Melody Mayo, M.S., N.C.C. Wellness Coach for the Life University Center for Health and Optimum Performance in Marietta, Georgia. "What may work for one person's diet may not work for someone else's. We all need to become more aware of what foods make us feel our healthiest as individuals."
The second thing about Weinberger's statement that bugs me is that it has been my experience that the vast majority of food-allergic and food-intolerant people are accommodating and polite when their allergies are present. More often than not, the food intolerant or food allergic individual is embarrassed by bringing his or her own food to the party, or even worse, not getting to eat anything at all while there.
For more info: Are you a gracious hostess stymied by a guest's food allergies? This article suggests easy ways to make sure everyone can eat together.
Comments
I'm not buying it. I never heard of these food allergies when I was growing up in the sixties. How did delicate eaters survive mass feedings in cafeterias, soup kitches or even armies in the past? Is it possible that the solution may be found in building up one's tolerance and/or naturally adjusting one's body to a 'normal' diet? As kids, we ate dirt and insects and were never sick save for the odd mumps or stitches. And now? Coddled little snowflakes have turned into self-obsessed adults. Sorry for the rant but it becomes so very tiresome listening to women and women-like men compete in relating their various odd dietary requirements.
@Michael - How did delicate eaters survive? Uncomfortably. My 85 year old grandmother has been sick her whole life. Me? I found out it's a stupid wheat allergy and now I'm much healthier than my mom or my grandmother were. You could make the same argument about people insisting on newfangled cancer treatments. "What a bunch of whiners! In the old days we just shut up and died of our cancer." Somehow I bet you don't object to anything that helps you stay healthy.
One note, I have met a few people who call the hostess and righteously insist she strictly accommodate their dietary needs. I feel that is the height of bad manners and would never make a fuss. Thanks for your article!
Michael- WOW! I don't come across many people that are as insensitive as you are with your comments. Maybe our messed-up food supply has actually caused people to become more intolerant of our food. Something has definitely caused you to become intolerant of those with health issues.
Buy it buster. It exists. Like anything else in medical science that seems to be more in the news. They just didn't know what the cause was and now they do. Dirt (ate my share as a kid!) was not one of them. I am in my 50's and have been dealing with multiple food allergies and intolerances all of my life. I had no idea why I would get sick growing up when I ate over at grammas. Now I do. It is not a matter of building up a tolerance. Avoidance seems to be the only viable solution in today's world. I know it seems like a big problem, but for those of us who live it every day, we certainly appreciate the education that is taking place. How much would you miss your ice cream cone on a hot summer day? It sux, we are not whining.
@Michael, I've actually written on the topic of the scientifically documented increase in food intolerance, particularly in Western societies. My personal theory is that the long list of chemicals on the labels of most "food" is so convoluted that our bodies can no longer treat things like Spam or Ho-Hos like real sustenance.
Don't believe me? Try eating only whole, real foods (This means you can find examples of the ingredients in their basic forms in a kitchen)for a week or two. You will have more energy, overeat less, feel fuller longer, etc. You won't have cravings for as much junk because your body will have real food inside it. It is the difference between filling your car's gas tank with premium instead of some shady 5-year-old gas from the rusty can in the garage.
@Stephanie - 100% agreed that it is the height of bad manners to demand a fuss like that. (That section was edited because today's post grew too long. Watch for the flipside of the argument tomorrow!)
Wow, Michael. So we're making it up when my kid's throat starts to close when he accidentally eats ONE bite of his brother's cereal? Subsequent epi pen, ambulance ride, oral steroids and hours of watching are just "coddling"? We're embarrassed everytime we have to ask "what's in that?" -- my son really just avoids eating at gatherings. We try to fill him up before we go. We don't coddle the other truly picky eater in our family -- he eats what's offered or he goes hungry!
@Michael, you should know that many food sensitivities and allergies (and yes, they are different!) do not always show up immediately or with severe/overt reactions, such as anaphylactic shock. Many people develop symptoms over a period of a few days and struggle to figure out what caused the problem. Some suffer from intestinal distress and mood changes within hours of consuming the problematic food. In this country, we typically think of food allergies by what is recognizable to others, like a rash or severe swelling. But does that mean intestinal distress and mood changes should be ignored or considered made up? I think not.
I have a sensitivity to sugar that causes me to experience nausea, shakiness, bloating, stomach pain, and headache. Since eliminating almost every form of sugar from my diet over the last 2 months, I have noticed a MARKED difference in my mood and I've lost 5 lbs! We're not destined to overeat and feel bad. If this is happening to you, you should get checked!
I just hate when I can't eat peanuts at the pool because somebody might puff up if the wind changes direction...
Michael,
The answer is sadly they did not survive. They died. Just like people died before there were treatments for asthma. Is that your solution to let these people die because they immune system confuses food as an enemy invader? Tell me you are not that cruel. Have you ever held a baby in your arms that is minutes from death because you feed the child milk- sat helpless as all their limbs swelled to twice the normal size? You would BUY IT then. I never want to see another person go into Anaphylactic shock for as long as I live.
OK ladies, you're right - and I was out of line. I should not have let my irritation and boredom with the topic of food allergies to have intruded here. My apologies.
Maybe if you have a food allergy and do not want to be rude, just take something along that you can eat just in case the food will not be good for you. If you have that severe of an allergy then why not be prepared for such an event anyway. And when I have people over to my house for dinner, I ususally tell them what we are having. Simple fix for a possible disaster I say....
Severe allergic reaction to peanuts aged less than one, 1964. Continued severe reactions to peanuts through childhood despite developing keen dislike of even smell and extreme wariness. Vigilance never enough because peanuts were everywhere. No doctor ever officially diagnosed anything- until in my late 20s. Once adult, I discovered I was not alone. Plenty suffered the same allergy, including older people and usually also in embarrassed silence. Not made up, not neurotic. Its real and serious. And no, we don't like having to ask and check. But I know that my friends don't want me to get sick at their table. They do want to cook for their guests- so they want to make the food safe to share- isn't sharing food a key part of good social gatherings. And is it really so hard to ensure peanuts are avoided or rice is offered to your friends? If you are in fact their friend?
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