Real life vs. Hollywood romance

Photo:  Omar Franco
What really constitutes everyday romance?  How often do we experience or try to create it?

We may have all been classically conditioned. By Hollywood. If you hear the word romance or think of trying to be romantic, what images does that usually conjure? Typically something quite sweeping and grand in scale, right? Probably with the leading man going to quite dramatic lengths to please his lady? Yup. We may have been classically conditioned.

Think about some of the best romantic movies of all time. Two of the top five, according to Moviefone.com, are “An Affair to Remember” and “Titanic."  In “An Affair to Remember,” starring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr, the two lovers meet on a cruise and then vow to reconnect 6 months later on top of the Empire State Building. And in “Titanic,” starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, the two lovers meet aboard the great Titanic ship and fight to stay together despite class differences, a fiancé and a pesky sinking ship. (Wait, those are both boat examples, apparently boats are romantic…we may have to explore that later).

Does everyday romance need to be that grandiose? I don’t think so. This is where we ladies can set the tone and expectation levels. Men are trying … at least they think they are. Do we acknowledge it?
According to Ask.com’s The Great Male Survey 2009 Edition, 81% of men make an effort to be romantic on a semi-regular basis—55% make the effort somewhat often and 26% very often. Do we, the objects of their affection, realize and acknowledge that?

Being romantic doesn’t have to be like what we see on the big screen (that’s why we go to movies, it is an escape from reality). While it is beautiful and fun to daydream about a meeting at the top of the Empire State Building on a starry night to declare your love for one another, like in “An Affair to Remember” or “Sleepless in Seattle,” romance can exist in the everyday things.

Romance stems from thoughtfulness. Actions that are thoughtful and considerate in nature are real-life romance. When your sweetie offers to rub your feet after you’ve had a long day of running around in 3-inch heels or when he brings home take-out on your night to cook because he knew you had to stay late at work—that’s real life romance. Remembering significant moments in your relationship and taking time to reflect on them—that’s real life romance.

And before the relationship is established, romance is created by simple things like going for a walk after dinner to talk and enjoy the city lights, rather than a movie or immediately heading back to your place. One of the most romantic gestures I ever received was one of the simplest things imaginable. I was supposed to meet this former flame at my apartment and was running late. My roommates let him in and while waiting, he snuck into my room and left a sweet note under my pillow. I was so surprised and elated when I found it. I think I was on cloud nine for days. A perfect example—it doesn’t have to be grandiose, just sincere and regular. That’s all women really want.

Enough directed to the men, what about us, ladies? I think we have just as big of a responsibility in keeping the romance alive. And, according to The Yahoo! Shine/AskiMen.com Great Female Survey 2009 Edition, the men have us beat. Only 70% of women regularly make an effort to be romantic/sexy. Sounds like we might have some catching up to do.

Granted I am a woman, so I don’t know precisely what a man wants (well, besides the obvious), but I can say from experience that most men are touched just as much by thoughtful gestures as we are. It really is the little things. I dated a guy once who had mentioned in passing a particular type of artwork he wanted to hang in his office. I filed that away for reference and casually kept my eye out. When I found it, I framed it and surprised him with the gift. I still remember how touched he was that I remembered this obscure thing he had mentioned in passing months before.

Every day romance. Let’s break our classically conditioned expectations. It doesn’t have to be big and Hollywoodish (granted no one is going to complain if it is every once in a while!) just sincere, frequent AND effort made by both men and women. You can make him feel like the “king of the world” (oh, that was a shameful, and kind of pathetic, Titanic reference, you have my full permission to mock me! Or you can click on the link to relive Leo's moment) or make her feel special with something thoughtful and considerate. Sounds like most of us are doing it, so keep at it!

For more info: Check out MovieFone.com's Best Romance Movies of All TIme here.  Watch for more GenY takes on the Great Male Survey and the accompanying Great Female Survey. For instance, did you know men consider their sense of humor their secret weapon to attract women? Cilck here to read more.