Cleaning up your cluttered house

Looking back on my pre-coupled days, and even, to some extent, my early coupled days, I fondly recall a sense of pride in my home.  There was “a place for everything and everything in its place” rule in my house.  The boyfriend helped me with that, a bit, when he first moved in.  But we started slacking and things started getting left out in the open.  I was okay with it, because it meant that I had someone there, someone who shared “my space”.  Since having kids, I have become a complete and total slob.  There is no longer any semblance of order in my house, and I don’t even try.  Don’t get me wrong, I tried, my attempts were and are futile.  I’ve started walking around my house in a gorgeous 5 inch stiletto, not because it’s the “gay” thing to do, but out of necessity.  I can no longer stand the crushing pain on the arches of my feet caused by tiny metal cars and simple plastic “fighting boys” (Marvel action figures) that now carpet my entire home. 

Possessions: pos⋅ses⋅sion–noun
1. the act or fact of possessing.
2. the state of being possessed.
3. OWNERSHIP.

I don’t think I can adequately describe, in words, how much “stuff” my children have.  I’d post a picture, however while I have no problems with humiliating myself, I do have my limits.  My kids have a four tiered bookcase in their bedroom stuffed to the gills with books, OVER FLOWING WITH BOOKS.  If you shut their door too hard or too fast, a book is sure to fall off their bookshelves.  They have two standard toy boxes with lids that won’t shut.  In an effort to control the nonsense I purchased several dozen 20 gallon plastic totes with lids.  One for cars, only; one for fighting boys, only; one for other action figures that don’t come from comic books, only; one for trains, one for boats, one for dinosaurs, etc., ONLY.  And those, too, are hard to get the lids to snap shut at times.  The number of stuffed animals they have reminds me of the scene in the movie, E.T., where E.T. is hiding in the closet, indiscernible from the rest of the animals in the closet.  I have enough clothes to dress my son’s entire school, and shoes that I don’t even remember buying (or receiving).  In a word, it’s ridiculous how much “stuff” my kids have.  There are days I expect a knock at my door to find a TLC truck outside my house with the crew of Clean Sweep  on my porch poised for an intervention.

Possess: pos⋅sess–verb (used with object)
1. to have as belonging to one; have as property; own: to possess a house and a car.
2. to have as a faculty, quality, or the like: to possess courage.

How did I come to possess so much “stuff”.  I will take a share of the blame.  A VERY.TINY.SARE.OF.THE.BLAME!  Yes, I like to shop, but I tend to shop for necessity rather than want.  For those of you intimately familiar with my addiction to cell phones and laptops I’ll give you a few minutes to compose your laughter.

Continuing…
 

As an adoptive parent you’re warned about the trap of trying to make up for your child’s “sense of loss” by buying them too much stuff.  “The experts” say that you don’t want to buy your child’s affection.  How this applies solely to adoptive parents is beyond me.  I would think it applies broadly…but that’s another subject completely.  But as gay parents we’re inclined to have more “family”, more “friends” (exes!), and more people thrilled that you’re about to become a parent.  When we had our first child, we had 17 baby showers.  SEVEN!TEEN!  My son is almost five years old now and we STILL have toys for infants sealed in their original packaging materials.  We have clothes they never wore.  We have bottles of baby lotion, baby shampoo, baby butt-paste that have never been opened.  Not because we didn’t BATHE our children, mind you, but because we got SO MUCH “STUFF”!

We’re also very fortunate to have supportive biological family members.  I realize that may not be a commonality all gay parents share, but it’s our situation.  I’m not sure if it is an effort to show that the grandparents now care for their new adopted grandchildren as much as they care for their biological grandchildren, but we seem to have received a ridiculous amount of gifts for each birthday, legitimate holiday, and HALLMARK holiday.  I recognize how adorable ONE “St. Patrick’s Day” onsie can be, but I’m not quite sure I needed FOURTEEN of them.  I mean, St. Patrick’s Day is only one day a year.  By the next time it came around, the other 13 outfits didn’t fit. 

If you’re a friend of a gay family with children I want to give you a piece of advice.  When we tell you, “Please don’t bring/send a gift, your PRESENCE will be PRESENT enough”, we’re not just saying that to be kind.  We’re saying that because we mean it.  We’re saying it because WE HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!
 

Possessed: pos⋅sessed–adjective
1. spurred or moved by a strong feeling, madness, or a supernatural power (often fol. by by, of, or with): The army fought as if possessed. The village believed her to be possessed of the devil.
2. self-possessed; poised.

Regardless of how many thousands of fighting boys are laying in the middle of your living room floor, it’s not enough.  Try telling a 4-year old not to bring any more toys out to the living room.  Try telling a 4-year old to haul his possessions BACK to his room.  Said 4-year old turns into a demon.  Additionally, I think retail “stagers” should be shot in the forehead at point-blank range. 

***NOTE: Frederick Reinhardt does not ACTUALLY advocate shooting retail “stagers”, or anyone else for that matter, in the forehead, or anywhere else for that matter!

It’s cruel and unusual punishment to go anywhere with toddlers.  You can’t check out of the grocery store without a child begging for candy or toys.  You can’t walk out of a restaurant without a child begging for money for the candy/toy machine.  And, apparently, you can’t DROP YOUR CHILD OFF AT SCHOOL without him going crazy begging for “box-tops” so he can “shop” at the “box-top store”!  I realize you’re trying to boost your profit margins, but do you know where that stuff ends up?  Inevitably it winds up on the floor of my car, or worse, on the floor at my house.  Why the floor, you ask?  This is apparently where EVERYTHING goes when you ask your child to put something away.  For some reason possessions MUST be seen.
 

Repossessed: re•pos•sess   re•pos•sessed, re•pos•sess•ing, re•pos•sess•es
1. To regain possession of.
2. To reclaim possession of for failure to pay installments due.  \
3. To give back possession to.
 

So what’s a parent to do when they find themselves drowning under a sea of plastic and polyester?  I’ve got some suggestions for you.

• I certainly advocate recycling toys, clothes, and whatnot.  There are several options.  You can take the time and effort to itemize your donations and take them to a deserving charity (Goodwill, Salvation Army , etc.), but this takes LOTS of time.  Not so much in the dropping off of the items, but in the preparation.
• Contact your local Child Protective Services and see if they’ll accept donations.  The rules on donations vary wildly from state-to-state, so you’ll want to see what donations are acceptable.  For example, in Texas, donated clothes have to still have the tags from the store on them.  I find that ridiculous, but it’s a rule.  AS a foster/adoptive parent, and being in close contact with many other foster/adoptive families, I can’t tell you how invaluable these donations are.  Unlike “traditional” child preparation, we’re often not given much warning a child is coming into our lives so we don’t have much time for shopping.  Additionally, we’re not often sure what age/size child we’ll be getting, so it’s hard to keep an adequate supply of clothes in various sizes on hand. 
• Box up unwanted toys/clothes and wait for the next natural disaster.  We found several families, following hurricane Ike, in Galveston that quite literally had nothing that were so grateful for the amount of toys and clothes (and baby shampoo) we were able to give them.  You can check with your local Red Cross following natural disasters for information about where to drop off donations.  Additionally, watch your local news.  If you see house fires, apartment fires, neighborhoods that flood, etc., these families are also very appreciative of donations after their lives are changed.
• The woman who operates my son’s school “box-top” store, apparently, brings all of her children’s unwanted crap to the school to “sell” on Fridays.  Box-Tops is a program that offers schools money for those little coupons found on the tops of many common grocery items.  If you’re a parent that has some time to donate to a school to help them raise money, you could suggest this to your school administrator.  It’s a great way to help raise money for your child’s school AND clean out your house. 
• School teachers AND local libraries LOVE book donations.  You may not be aware, but many of the supplies and items in your child’s teacher’s classroom are purchased BY THE TEACHER.  Help him/her out by donating gently used books/toys.  Especially classrooms of younger children, teachers often use toys as “rewards” for her students. 
Do you have other suggestions for cleaning the clutter out of your house?  Please share.  Would you like additional information on how you can assist foster/adoptive families in Central Texas?  Please ask. 

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