Corrales, NM
I have been remiss in my blogging duties lately. Though there has been ample to blog about, life has been too hectic for the last month to focus on any topic for more than a moment. It started with a pre-Thanksgiving parental visit, which involved cleaning for a week. I did not inherit my mother’s cleaning gene and I underestimated the crack and crevasse fur factor. I assumed that I would have ample time to write between the two holidays. Yeah. That obviously didn’t happen. Instead the pace of day to day obligations merely intensified after my parents left, the holiday looms large and 2009 is almost over.
I haven’t done any shopping. I haven’t sent cards. I have managed to evade caroling, holiday music and endless post office queues. I am not participating. I am boycotting all commercial elements in favor of putting gas in my car, driving to New Mexico and hanging out with my parents and friends for a week.
Unlike many people, I enjoy going home to visit. I realize that this is not ‘normal.’ Grace Fox wrote an amusing article that describes a far more common scenario (excerpt):
Let’s be honest about the holidays, most of us simply want to survive them and the thought of actually enjoying them seems like a pipe dream. It doesn’t have to be, however. I’m here to tell you that the key to joyful holiday season is to lower your expectations right now. Consider the following equation:
STRESS x FAMILY x PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES x QUEERNESS x EXPECTATIONS = DISASTER
Of all of the variables listed above, the only one you actually have any control over is EXPECTATIONS. If you lower that, you decrease the potential DISASTER. That’s right – I’m talking about better living through lower expectations. Expect to have a horrible time and you are often pleasantly surprised. Picture everything that could go horribly awry and the small spats and the half-cooked goose will seem like gifts. Imagine the homophobic comments that your Uncle Phil will make and start coming up with witty retorts now. You know what else helps lower your expectations? Laughing at the horror stories.
The only horror story I have involving a family holiday was a Christmas with my dad’s family that went awry due to packing too many disparate individuals into two cabins for a snowed in ski weekend from hell. I’ve broken both legs multiple times. I don’t ski. That horror story will have familial traction for several more decades. Given that we have never gathered for the holidays again, it may be construed that the experience was mutually traumatizing, thereby operating as a long term deterrent.
It has been years since I spent a holiday with extended family. Large family gatherings were always hosted by a grandmother. It is grandmothers that levy the power to get everyone to show up. They are the adhesive that binds everyone together. The last of my grandmothers passed away last December. I don’t foresee large family holidays in the imminent future.
In the absence of extended family dynamics, there is little possibility for ‘horror stories.’ My expectation is the opposite of what Grace recommends. I am looking forward to it. I love spending time with my parents. The holiday is a time for family and friends that I don’t get to see often enough anymore. Usually it is my parents, me and, perhaps, a few other friends or relatives for dinner. It is always mellow, relaxing, peaceful and serene.
New Mexico is fantastic in December. I associate Christmas with crisp air and the smell of burning cedar, mesquite and pinon. Our family tradition is to go out on Christmas Eve to see the farolitos and to get hot cocoa in Old Town. For those unfamiliar with farolitos…they are paper lunch bags, weighted with sand with a candle inside. They are lit in lieu of Christmas lights.
Am I the only freak that enjoys being around my family for the holidays?
Comments