A young women contacted me through my website www.weddingsbythebay.net, asking to get married. She and her soon to be husband, Dave, wanted a nice beach wedding in Monterey, California. As that is what I do, I congratulated her on her upcoming wedding while I checked my calendar for available dates. We settled for a weekend in September and I began asking her about her plans for the wedding and her life in general.
I do this with all my brides so I can get to know them, to really find out what they want compared to what they could afford.
Rosy began by telling me about her dress. It was white of course, and short, perfect she thought for a beach wedding. Her husband would be wearing a nice suit. We talked about colors she had chosen and how many attendants she planned to have. Rosy told me she had decided on a simple ceremony with her and her Dave’s best friends, Michael and Glenda.
When I asked her about the type of ceremony she wanted, Rosy started to cry. She told me she and her fiancé wanted a religious ceremony but that god hated her and because of who she is she could never be part of any religion. Rosy told me that the pastor of her church had asked her to leave and never return when he found out about her.
Rosy explained that she was transgender and she had been told over and over that the bible called her an abomination and a sinner.
Rosy had completed the surgery and had lived as a woman for over 2 years. She said that she felt like a woman, looked like a woman but deep down she had always felt that she wasn’t good enough.
Rosy’s mother had told her that no matter what surgeries Rosy had she could never be a real woman and that she would always be just a man in a dress.
I guessed correctly that the mother would not be invited to the wedding and assured Rosy that she was a woman really. Completely, totally and legally a woman. There was no problem getting married in this state. Unless she was marrying another woman.
Rosy assured me that Dave was a he and that he knew all about her past.
We continued with the plans as usual although Rosy decided to leave god sitting on the bench for this one.
After I hung up with Rosy, I thought about all the people out there like her. Real people with real feelings. Because Rosy was transgender she was placed on the outside away from the “normal” people.
I started to wonder where this would all end up. If good people like Rosy, are shut out then what happens to the rest of us.
It seems easy among the christian community to shove the community aside and sign up to keep rights and privileges to themselves. They have a great history of doing that so why change, right?
The reason they must change is simple, because it is the right thing to do.
Rosy and Dave are lucky, because Rosy is legally female they can get married in California but what of all the others, the homosexuals, the lesbians, the transgender’s who have not gotten the surgeries? What you if someone should decide to hate us because of who you are?
I asked my friends and colleagues, can you hate someone for who they are? If you forget about moral judgements, put all the other stuff aside, put aside all your personal opinions, forget for one minute that we make you uncomfortable.
Can you really hate someone for being who they are?
Surprisingly the answer in the “christian” community is yes. The LGBT community is who it is; Christians cannot change us. You cannot force us to bend to your will. So why does the christian community cast us aside? If god loves everyone then why not us?
It seems any one who professes a belief in god, feels they have the right and the obligation to judge the LGBT community. They say they are christians and that they live by the bible but their actions prove otherwise. Proposition 8 was allegedly about protecting the straight marriage, we in the community know better. It was about protecting the status quo and trying to keep the LGBT in their place.
Rosy and Dave were married last September, by me, here in Monterey. Rosy wore a short dress and Dave wore a nice suit. The ceremony was simple and god was not invited.
Tricia is a wedding officiant and has performed more than 200 weddings and commitment ceremonies over the last ten years.
For more information visit her websites weddingsbythebay or gaymontereyweddings
Comments
What a great story! Thanks for sharing this.
Tricia, just a few grammatical points.
In your first line, it should be written "a young woman" contacted you. Not "women."
Also, in the paragraph "Rosy and Dave are lucky," you have a incorrect apostrophe usage on transgenders. "I have two apples." "There are two homosexuals." "There are two transgendered people" or "transgenders." No apostrophe needed.
Other than that, interesting story.
Everyone should be able to marry the person they love.
Generally, "transgender" should be used as an adjective, not a noun. eg "transgender people" transgender woman" not "a transgender is" or "transgenders are."
I'm happy for Rosy and Dave, but it is not always so simple for transgender people to get married or claim other rights.
For example, a Texas court has ruled that the chromosones are the only determiner of sex.
Christie Lee Littleton is a Texas woman who was married to her husband for 7 years when her husband died. When she sued for malpractice, it was denied solely because she was born a man, despite the fact she was legally female and her birth certificate had been legally changed to female.
Thanks so much for your support of this couple. I'm so sad to hear of their rejection by church and family-- it happens all too often. And yet there *are* increasingly churches that truly welcome all (e.g. see blog.transepiscopal.com). I've done several weddings where a member of the couple is trans-- I'm doing one in just a couple weeks, in fact. Thank you for your support, and please keep doing your wonderful work.
Hello Tricia:
A transgender male friend of mine sent this article to me, and as always it made me so sad and angry at the same time. I am a heterosexual women who was blessed to be raised by parents who taught her that we are all God's children, and God doesn't make junk! I am proud to say that this is something I am now passing on to my children. Please note that though there are so many church doors being slammed on people from the LGBT community, there are also many places where your choice of life style has nothing to do with your relationship with God, let alone being judged by it. One of these communities is the New Thought church communities ie: Religious Science,Unity and Universalist. I know for a fact that the in the Religious Science community being of a different sexual orientation or of a different skin color was never ever an issue in reference to becoming a member or even a minister, these filters never have existed.
In closing, Bravo for sharing your story
I haven't has time ro read this till now.
PLease let yourt reader know that Unitarian Universalists actively support LGBTIQ rights and perform marriage and union ceremonies, support families and advocate for equality. Other liberal christian churches - some United Church of Christ, United Methodists, Friends (Quakers)- are affirming and have educational programs, alternative services, etc. Some reform synagogues are very open. Many neo-pagan & wiccan groups are also very welcoming. So there are religious communities out there. One must do a little searching (online works to start).
It made me sad whan you wrote "God was not invited". I recently saw a bumper sticker that said "I LOVE God - it's his FANS I can't stand!" Let us not allow other to define God for us.
Buddists believe there is the divine in all of us. Some Christians, Jews, agnostics, etc. etc. do also. For me God is love. And we follow the path of faith when we allow love to govern our actions.
I'm going to start cruising the net and correcting people's grammer. Then after awhile I'm going to cry a little ...
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