18,000 California same sex couples celebrate wedding anniversaries

Happy anniversary to all of you, and congratulations, your marriage is still valid. Apologies to all of you who will never know the joy of this event.

As my own wedding anniversary approaches we have no plans for celebrations.
Everyday for the last year we have acknowledged how wonderful it was for the Supreme Court to have allowed us to legally wed.

We are still married, still happy but a cloud hangs over us. Our friends and neighbors in the LGBT community will not be able to marry here in their home state, knowing this breaks my heart and makes me sick to my stomach.

This ruling on prop 8 has created a two classes among the LGBT community. We are neatly split between those who have the legal recognition of marriage and those who cannot marry.

I spoke to some friends about this status divide and asked them how they felt about it. They have been RDP, registered domestic partners for over two years but they did not get married during the short time same sex marriage was legal in California.

Lauren told me she was happy that the Supreme Court had allowed the marriages to stand but she was sad that her and her partner Karen would not ever be able to marry in this state.

Lauren said, “We can go another state that allows same sex marriage but it’s just not the same. California won’t recognize our legal status so why bother? We still have our partnership so I guess that is as good as it gets.”

I feel we are lucky, all 18,000 of us who were allowed to get married and that those 18,000 marriages are still valid.

When I hear Lauren say, “It's as good as it gets.” I am saddened and angry and I question the sanity of this ruling. It created a new class of privileged couples, it elevates our status over others in our community. Now instead of all of us being second class citizens in the United States, here in California, 18,000 of us are first class citizens in a second class group. It would be comical if it weren’t so true.

The ruling has left me feeling dirty and ashamed of being a native Californian. We, the 18,000, share the same rights and privileges here in California, as our straight brothers and sisters while the rest of the LGBT community is left with just RDP. This second class status is un-American and unfair. Our constitution guarantees that we will all be treated equal and fairly, it does not modify “unless you are gay.”

RDP offers some or most of the same protections as marriage but some of the differences are blatantly discriminatory to the LGBT community.

RDP requires that you live together to be registered, marriage has no residence requirement. Married couples can live any where they want.

When you get married you can elect, for a fee, to have it kept confidential.

RDP offers no confidentially, RDP is public record and anyone can find out if you are registered. The form you sign and have notarized states that you are a same sex couple. You must out yourself to become Registered Domestic Partners, this government list makes some in our community uncomfortable if not down right scared.

Equality California and Courage Campaign are good sources of information on the differences between marriage and RDP.

We must over turn proposition 8 but we can’t do it alone, talk to your friends and family. Speak with your pastor, your neighbors and everyone you see. Let them know marriage is an important right and it matters to you.