Bagel Drive review

I’ve been asked to do reviews on odd things before that I’ve declined. In this case, this is one of the stranger reviews that I have accepted. In the world of novelty gifts, you can find just about anything. So why not a USB Bagel Drive? No, that is not a joke photo to the right.

When the words Bagel Drive first crossed my screen (courtesy of an email from Irv Bupkes), my first thought was “How does one store and extract data from a bagel anyway?” I had visions of bready circles being inserted into the device and some secret method of encoding the information in the baked bagel. Of course, this would be horrendously impractical for anybody other than certain scientists currently working on teleporting data or Q from James Bond.

In fact, when the item arrived, it was much more impractical, yet at the same time, much more fun than I could have imagined. So, consider this: Open a box, receive a gift, or however this gets to you, to find an approximately three-inch diameter bagel, baked to just that perfectly-delicious tawny coloration, sliced and given a good shmeer (dollop of cream cheese), then reconstructed for tasty enjoyment. Then you notice the easily-recognizable USB connector sticking out the side. Yup. You’ve gotten a Bagel Drive.

Since they use standard USB drive electronics (In the case of what was sent for review, a Centon drive), there’s not much to say about the electronics. It’s standard stuff. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and everybody who knows about technology knows that there is never any guarantee in any direction and USB drives are not made to carry super-critical data. Nothing like sitting on your drive or dropping it in the same pocket as your cell phone to find this out the hard way.

Therefore what I will focus on is the actual bagel part of this equation. First: Yes, it’s a real bagel. As Irv says, “…baked to perfection, carefully preserved using a proprietary process, and equipped with 1 giganosh (for the goyim, gigabyte) of fully functional USB 2.0 flash memory.” A quick review of the Yiddish Glossary at their site reveals a “nosh” to be a nibble or a snack. Of course, this means that if you take the “nibble” literally, it is half the gigabytes you’d expect (A nibble is four bits, or half a byte, in computer terminology), however in this case we’ll forgive the confusion. *Heh*

So, the very first thing I want to point out: -DO NOT TRY TO EAT THIS-. The bagel is preserved and pretty darn hard and the “cream cheese” filling is actually silicone. That being said, also keep this away from family pets and small children who may otherwise think it’s tasty. The good news is that common sense item exists for normal USB drives as well.

Beyond that, the bagel is relatively sturdy. If treated decently, it does not break down. The outer surface is the tough part though. Should this be penetrated, the bready inside will crumble like a crouton. Standard use will not cause any problems, however this is one item to keep away from keys and any hard, sharp objects. This includes intentional poking with fingernails.

Practicality-wise, I have to be the first to admit it’s not very practical. Inserted into a USB port, the bagel itself will block the use of at least two adjacent ports to either side, maybe four. It will also block the use of any adjacent ports top and bottom. The pivot point of the drive electronics in the item I was sent was on the actual circuit board, so if it were inserted into a computer and then put under any vertical stress of any type, you would be left with a USB connector in your computer and a circuit board in a bagel not attached to it. However, each one is hand-made and unique, so this may not always be an issue.

Novelty-wise, this is an absolute winner. The attention to detail in both the drive and the online presence at BagelDrive.comis exceptional. In fact, upon plugging it into a computer, it was impossible to not know what the computer recognized it as. The drive is preformatted (FAT, for those who are wondering) with a volume name of “BAGEL DRIVE”. The folks here who saw this object were definitely intrigued.

So really, if you’re looking for a practical storage solution for your carry-around files, this isn’t it. But if you read this far, you’re probably looking for a unique conversation piece or gift. Therefore, go grab one, it receives my stamp of approval. In the current economy, it’s definitely nice to see some fresh ideas on fun.

Now the fun part… The (hopefully correct) summary, using the Yiddish from their site:

I thought the whole idea was kokamayme, but this is no drek here, nor is the drive itself shlok. A century-old bakery doesn’t engage in mishegoss, after all. I tested the Bagel Drive with much shpilkes and the results make me kvell. So the next time you are shmoozing about your bubelah or need to get your mind off the alter kocker next door, remember my shpiel and take a look. You’ll be glad you did.

I’ll just be glad if I got all those words right.