With little fanfare, her mother and step-father announced that they were moving 500 miles from their previous location, to spend their retirement. Then they decided to buy a new house, but there wasn't an in-ground pool, so they had one put in, and lots of landscaping, too, while they were at it.
"Good for them!" we all say. It certainly sounds like a comfortable way to spend one's golden years, and more power to them.
Then they ran out of money. And turned to the daughter for a hand out.
The daughter doesn't have a pool. She does have two young children. Their family made the choice to subsist on one income so she can keep house and home. Every penny that goes to keep her parents in their home chips away at their financial security.
She's already covered them for a couple of shortfalls, but the need is moving from occasional to constant. What should she do? What would you do?
Frugal types who've practiced delayed gratification and financial self-discipline in order to stash away funds during the "good times," now find themselves "rich" compared to those who can no longer even pretend to be affluent anymore. Many of those accustomed to spending money they didn't have in the first place don't mind also spending yours, now that they're getting squeezed by debt. Some, by virtue of your relationship to them, may even assume you should be just as responsible for their debt as are they.
Frugality is useless if the tightwad allows others to confiscate his wealth. It's perfectly fair when pushed, to push back.
Discernment is fair, too. This is your hard-earned money; you get to be judge and jury. Let your conscience be your guide.
To the 25 year-old college graduate who still hasn't found the "right job" in his field and now wants a room and access to your fridge for free, you point out all the Help Wanted signs for jobs he's capable of doing, and inform him that he has a month to take one. If he's your son, kicking him out of the nest is the best way to make him fly, and he'll thank you for it later when he has his own kids.
To the parents who lived for "today," and didn't fuss about tomorrow, you let them live out their choices, in the cheapest apartment possible, or a bedroom in your home. If they can still work, insist that they do. You are responsible for your elderly and infirm, but feeding the poor doesn't mean "in the style to which they've become accustomed."
To that brother-in-law who's always "coming up a bit short" and tapping you for funds, offer to look through his finances with him to help him figure out where he can make some spending cuts. Chances are good he'll decline, and never ask for "help" again.
This is the time for hard choices, and learning to live on less. Don't deny others the opportunity to learn these valuable lessons!
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