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Think back to just how many times an apology made you feel better. It's downright magical how an apology can restore a bond and heal your heart. When someone apologizes to you, you feel as though you've been acknowledged. Your anger goes away; your hurt dissolves. And studies are showing that, like laughter, an apology has the power to actually lower your blood pressure and make you healthier. A person who is hurt feels an actual therapeutic effect when the offender shows how sorry they are. Consequently, they don't even look like an offender any more. The most confident women I know are the ones who have the easiest time saying they're sorry.
A young woman, named Shayna, posted a comment on Tuesday, that I think is so valuable, I didn't want it to get lost with other comments.
"...When I feel I've gotten a sincere apology (and we ALL know when that is...the knot in your stomach disappears--duh) my whole outlook on the day, on all my situations, as well as my ability to clear my otherwise distressed brain suddenly fall into place, and I'm big on a sincere hug--I promise it makes all the difference, and sorta "fills you back up" as my mom and I say...where as before you were feeling an empty spot where you felt you had lost that friendship or a piece of it."
Exceptional words from a young woman! Thank you Shayna.
What happens to us when our foolish pride gets in the way and we don't apologize when we know we should? If you're a conscientious person by nature, you will feel remorse, shame, and guilt. You will question your self-respect. And because you're embarrassed, you may distance yourself from your friend. Then sadness sinks in. Have you ever felt sad for no reason? Maybe the reason was that you failed to apologize to somebody that you hurt.
The second best reason to apologize is that it will act as a deterrent from ever making that same mistake again.
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Comments
I don't even know what to say except thank you so much for using me in your article, I just had a moment of feeling super special. haha. Have a great day, and I like the two notes on why to apologize--and I think that every sincere apology really hits those two notes. I'm really loving these articles.
Loved your article. Almost makes me want to say "I'm sorry" just for the heck of it.
Jerilyn Dufresne
Chicago Mental Health Examiner
To all my friends reading this: if I have every hurt your feelings, I am sorry!
Loved this!
Actually, I'm thinking about Wendy's comment from the other post. I'm one of those always late people. I do look forward to your take on people like us.
Debbie, all your articles are so inspiring. I'm actually one of those "get over it" people when it comes to me hurting their feelings, but I get crushed when they hurt mine. You've made me realize that about myself. How selfish of me. And it really does bother me that I've hurt their feelings, I just feel uncomfortable admitting to it. This series of articles has helped me see the light. Thanks!
Dana, if you're "my" Dana, my best friend since 7th grade (there's another Dana that reads this, so I'm not sure) in my very first column, I said my best friends are the ones who have forgiven me the most. And YOU are included in that. xoxo
Yep, it's me. Love you too.
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