The most important trait of a great hostess is graciousness

What does it mean to be called a gracious hostess? It’s actually quite simple; a gracious hostess focuses on her guests’ comfort and pleasure. She never, under any circumstances, makes a guest feel uncomfortable.  Her guests feel completely at ease.

Guests are the most important element of a party. More important than how perfect your house is decorated, more important than the food served, and even more important than you. Your guests’ needs must come before yours. If your guests feel lucky to be included, you’ve done a great job as a hostess. If your guests felt welcomed, than you truly get what hosting is all about. For example, you, the hostess, love exotic or spicy food. One (or more) of your guests prefers food that's very plain. As a gracious hostess, you make sure there will be something they will enjoy. Another common hosting issue is the uninvited guest. I don’t care how annoyed you are, you fake it, put on your best smile, and make it work. You can dish about it later. In fact, an uninvited guest often supplies good fodder for conversation.

There will be times where you must set boundaries before the party in order to remain in that gracious mode. If you have a friend who takes her dog everywhere she goes, and you have a guest at the party who is either allergic to or frightened of dogs, you’re going to have to deal with this ahead of time to avoid anything awkward later.

If hostessing doesn't come naturally to you, then think of the best hostess you know—the one with the marvelous social instincts, good manners, and knack for putting others at ease. Then take the time to observe her. You just might be able to see how she creates that special rapport with others. Watching is learning.

Next: The three fatal sins against hosting

Everyone should have one fantastic recipe that everyone can eat. This is my favorite vegan, non-gluten, low fat, low calorie dish to bring to a party. I bring along disposable cups and spoons too.

Black Bean Soup

Yields 8 cups

3 14 oz. cans black beans, rinsed and drained
1 12 oz. jar salsa ( I love Trader Joe's Smoky Peach Salsa)
1 14 oz. can vegetable broth
1 tablespoon cumin

Reserve some beans if you want more texture to your soup. Blend it all, heat it up. Serve with a dollop of crème fraîche, (or sour cream) and chopped cilantro. You can also serve with lime wedges for some extra tang.