A huge party faux pas is thinking you’re above small talk, and that small talk is just for shallow people. Consequently, if you like to spar about all those nasty subjects with emotional overtones, your fellow party guests will be planning their exit strategy. Are you still wondering why you’ve been removed from the A-list? Here’s something to ponder: the dislike of small talk is often a curmudgeonly complaint. Small talk serves a very important purpose.
The main reason small talk is important is because it’s a nice, safe method for opening channels of communication. It's a means for feeling our way around social or conversational norms and overcoming our inbred distrust of anyone outside of our tribe. Small talk says "I'm non-threatening and I can be a lot of fun." When we discover what we have in common, we're much better prepared to discuss those deeper and in some cases, more important, topics or issues.
There are many trivial topics that are guaranteed to get people talking in non-threatening ways (also known as icebreakers). Always have one up your sleeve. If you’re stuck, simply watch a pro at work. Pay attention to how she does it.
Small talk is not only important, it's also something of an art. A good party conversationalist has a few topics prepared. She’s been to the theater, or at the least, has read the theater reviews and knows who won the Tony awards. She’s seen a few newly released movies, attended some concerts, travelled, read, watched 60 Minutes, and can intelligently comment on anything topical.
Light and lively topics are fun! Having a funny story that won’t offend anyone is one of the best things you can bring to a party. Being confident and knowing the value of small talk will enrich your life.
Next: Party manners 101; say goodnight Gracie
Comments
Small talk is definitely an art. My sister is great at it. Took me years to learn the basics. It really is an important part of getting comfortable with people.
Never thought about all those advantages of small talk. Good info!
Interesting points Debbie!
I'm bad at small talk because 1. I don't watch the news, tv, or many movies. 2. have not seen a play in 30 years.3. never read the paper. I work two jobs and sleep. The only thing I have to talk about at parties is my love of cooking, so I seek out the cooks to talk about food. My favorite small talk is swapping recipes. Good column!
My ability to small talk is in direct proportion to how old my youngest at the time is and consequently how sleep deprived I am. If I'm on my game, small talk is my favorite part of socializing. I love not having to get to deep and just sort of perusing the conversation list with new and interesting people.
Another great article Debbie!
- Amy
ParentingWithDuctTape<dot>com
Debbie, I too seem "shallow" for my love of small talk, however, after an evening talking about deep issues, I'm exhausted, depressed, and feeling yucky. But talk about FASHION, (good fashion!), cosmetic procedures, and what I watched on E TV, and after a good giggle, I'm feeling pretty darn good. This was another really fun column. Do we really need to try to change the world during a cocktail party? LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE!!
AmyAnne, your blog is soooo funny! And your title...perfect!
Well, as you can imagine, I get some flak for my love of small talk. I like to be upbeat, what can I say?
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