If you find yourself constantly feeling disappointed by friends, there’s a very good possibility that your expectations are too high. Friendship conflicts often stem from unmet expectations—especially when they are unrealistic. Relationships have an ebb and flow. There are times when we need our own space and other times when we really need the love, support, and camaraderie of having friends surround us. Unfortunately, there are also times when our needs don’t mesh.
When a new friendship is blossoming, we are often overcome by positive, nearly-euphoric emotions. Our brains are producing those feel good/bonding hormones. It’s a honeymoon stage. We often have expectations that our friend should act, react, think, feel, behave, and believe the same way we do. But suddenly, she:
• can’t be there for you when you need her
• absent-mindedly forgets to keep a promise made months earlier
• reacts to your crisis in a different way than you would have, had the roles been reversed
You are now caught off guard and taking it extremely personally. As a result, the friendship becomes strained. Anger or betrayal is felt. The friendship becomes damaged.
So what are normal, legitimate expectations in true friendships? Please stay tuned. It’s time to explore this topic. As always, your comments are welcome and appreciated.
Just like heels, expectations can sometimes be too high
Comments
You nailed the topic again my sweet friend! Great job!
Great words of wisdom, Debbie! I love reading your articles! Keep up the good work! Happy New Year, my friend!
p.s happy new year!
Debbie, your series on users and takers quite frankly was "life changing" for me. I recognized a really awful trend and then, finally, did something about it. Thank you. Happy New Year and I hope to see you up here soon.
Like the picture too. :)
absolutely LOVING this series
I'm eagerly awaiting the specifics!
I find that sometimes friend expectations are different when one person has lots of friends, and the other prefers having intimate "best friend" relationships. Then the comparing and jealousy starts.
Can not wait to see where you are going with this. You column of ending toxic friendships should be required reading! Ladies, if you have not read it yet, do so before you go crazy!
Jenny, I actually ended a very close friendship over that very issue (and wrote about it) and it was painful, but at the same time, so freeing. The pressure this woman put on me was incredibly stressful. She relied on me more than she relied on her own husband. I was one of her two only friends. The sad part of all of this is she wanted all or nothing. So, it's now nothing. What busy mom/wife could ever give "all" to a female friendship? It's impossible, which she could not see.
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