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AP Photo/Richard Drew
Jon Gosselin opens up about Kate's verbal abuse.
For years we've cringed while Kate Gosselin degraded her husband Jon during filming of the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" television show. Now Jon is speaking out.
In this preview of an interview with Good Morning America's Chris Cuomo Jon talks about emotional abuse, a common form of domestic violence, he endured by wife Kate.
"I took a lot of abuse from her."
Watch the full Jon Gosselin interview on "Primetime: Family Secrets," Tuesday Sept. 8.
From National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Male Victims of Violence:
Emotional/Psychological abuse: using words, tone, action or lack of action meant to control, hurt or demean another person. Emotional abuse typically includes ridicule, intimidation, or coercion. Verbal abuse is included in this category.
Identity abuse: using personal characteristics to demean, manipulate and control the partner.
These are some of the questions Greg Enns and Jan Black who wrote It's Not OK Anymore suggest men ask themsleves if they think they are a victim of verbal abuse
- Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family?
- Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong?
- Did she withhold affection to "punish" you for any violations of her rules?
- Did she intimidate you in any way?
- Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior?
- Did she treat you as if you were her servant?
- Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be "careful" around her?
- Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual?
Whether Kate realizes the seriousness of her errors is up in the air. One thing is for sure; she's not done. Kate recently went on the Larry King Live Show and very creatively degraded Jon as a parent.
I wonder if this has anything to do with Kate being upset that the police wouldn't allow her to break the couple's custody order.
From Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting (RADAR):
- Cal State Psychology Professor Martin Fiebert has assembled a bibliography of 175 scholarly investigations: 139 empirical studies and 36 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.
- An analysis of the data collected by the National Violence Against Women (NVAW) Survey found that more women than men engage in controlling behavior in their current marriages, but there was no statistically significant difference between men's and women's use of controlling behaviors in former marriages. Controlling husbands were not particularly likely to engage in frequent, injurious, or unprovoked violence. Husband and wives did not differ in their motivation to control. [Source: Sociology Professors Richard B. Felson (Penn State) and Maureen C. Outlaw (Providence College) "The Control Motive and Marital Violence," Violence and Victims, 2007, Vol. 22, Issue 4
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Comments
And men are put in prison after years of physical abuse that most often also include use of some kind of weapon when a woman is physichally violent. How many women get away by saying he was threatening? Almost all of them.
Prof Hilde Pape, University of Oslo found in 2002 that 6 % of Norwegian men had been exposed to physical domestic violence from their female partners the last year, 4 % of the women answered the same about their male partners.
In 2007 NOVA, a Norwegian research institute, found that mother's are more often violent against children and that a mother's violence increase the risk of suicide aamong children by approximately 350 %.
Why are the press still telling us men are violent and why are always men arrested for DM in Norway???
Bravo for this very apt piece! Jon was and continues to be abused and degraded by Kate. I love what the author brought out in this article.
This article is crap. Jon wasn't abused....he is passive aggressive. When things didn't go his way he just sulked and dug in his heels like a 3 year old. Maybe if he behaved like an adult then Kate would have treated him like an adult.
julie, it's on tape. you are blaming the victim. why?
Yes, I believe that used to be known as "she was asking for it." There's a reason that kind of rationale became unacceptable.
I believe that Jon was equally nasty with Kate - the show was edited to make us see Kate's mean side more often. The re-run I saw this week had Jon sitting beside Kate on the sofa rolling his eyes at her and twirling his finger around his forehead (meaning crazy) behind her back. He was often making faces and rolling his eyes. Just because Kate was more verbal doesn't mean he didn't mock her just as much. I'm not defending either one of them, both were at fault. I just think it's dangerous only to blame Kate for this kind of behavior.
Excellent article. More men and women need to speak out against domestic violence, including both male and female victims.
The patriarchal theory of ideological feminism is bogus. Most men know that they can't use physical superiority to win arguments, most men know that they will be dealt with severely.
Women are just as abusive as men, if not more, because there is little social stigma associated with being a violent and abusive woman. In reality, this sort of abusive behavior is actually encouraged by society that views it as female empowerment.
i found their lack of communication unnerving when i watched the show.kate ,i feel, did have to have strong rules to get anything done and jon really didn't participate unless she fussed, but it was silly of her to worry if he had put on the wrong shoes or hairbows and have it be redone. when someone else is doing the chore , and it is gettng done it doesn't have to be done your way . it is her way of coping(micromanaging) and it is his way of not participating )passive aggressive)and i bet they both will act and react differently , now.it is too bad they're separated the children really will suffer ,they always do .
While I think there is an excellent lesson to be learned here from a domestic violence perspective, in that men can often be victims as well, I have a hard time sympthazing with a man who claims to be a victim but has also exploited his own private life, and the life of his children more importantly, for entertainment fame and monetary gain... I wouldn't call him a poster boy for victim assistance
Women use Family Law and the Police as an extension of their power and control.
Men don't have that kind of power.
MEDIA RADAR - Respecting FALLACY in Reporting. This is a SHAM of a site. They misquote experts, deny male violence and distort the truth. Credible sources state domestic violence is 85-15% - sources like the CDC, WHO, etc.
STUDIES that show mutual violence come from self-report surveys, don't take context into consideration, dont include severe violence or homicide or violence during separation (women's greatest risk). These are CHERRY PICKED data that can't even come close to painting an accurate picture of domestic violence.
Men can be victims, but these ideologues with their cherry picked data, female violence only, denial of men's violence, emotional-abuse-is-worse than physical abuse, domestic violence- has-nothing-to-do-with-patriarchy/control/power are not using credible, factual data or even in touch with reality. They represent BACKLASH and have done nothing to help men and everything to attack women.
jo, the research that dv "pros" have been using for the last 30 years was "hand picked" to serve feminist battered women's shelters. follow the money. RADAR has complied enough research to show the truth. as far as the DOJ, you aren't taking into account that most men never report being abused.
I do agree Jon has been abused, but I don't agree that Kate went on Larry King Live and "creatively degraded Jon as a parent." I actually thought she was quite respectful. She doesn't agree with his decisions. But she follows that by saying that down deep in his heart she knows he's a good father. I don't always agree with my s.o.'s decisions. That's a fact. It's not degrading to my s.o. to admit that. Hell, she doesn't agree with my decisions 100% of the time either. I think Kate was very respectful of Jon in that interview.
The Control Motive for Marital Violence was a very interesting read, thanks Teri. Women are just as controlling as men, if not more so.
The Patriarchal theory of domestic violence is just a term for blaming men and doesn't explain women's violence against men. Control and Jealousy are the key factors in domestic violence for both women and men.
The CDC reports that:
Dr. Whitaker, whose recent reseach found 24% OF HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS HAD VIOLENCE, HALF OF IT RECIPROCAL,AND THAT WOMEN COMMITTED OVER 70% OF THE NON-RECIPROCAL VIOLENCE AND INITIATED THE RECIPROCAL VIOLENCE MORE OFTEN THAN MEN, and women suffered more injury but men suffered significant injury as well.
RADAR is a good source for truth about domestic violence, however the NFVLRC is supported by many experts in the field of domestic violence.
National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center Policy Statement on Family Violence
“Reports from the WHO (Archer, 2006) also make it clear than in many countries around the world, particularly where women have little political or socioeconomic power, women represent the much larger share of IPV victims. However, the most reliable population of surveys indicate that in Western industrialized democracies such as the United States and Canada, where they enjoy higher status, women engage in physical aggression at rates comparable to men (Archer, 2000; Fiebert, 2004; Straus & Gelles, 1990) and are as likely or more likely to be the initiators (DeMaris, 1992; Morse, 1995; Dutton et al., 1999; Straus, 1993; Williams & Frieze, 2005).”
“Shernock’s (2005) analysis of over
National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center Policy Statement on Family Violence
“Victimized males do not have access to services because of the assumption that they are only minimally impacted by IPV, if at all. This assumption, however, runs contrary to an overwhelming body of research evidence. A significant minority of IPV-related physical injuries, between 25% and 43%, are incurred by men (Archer, 2000; Laroch, in preparation; Mirrlees-Black, 1999; Straus, 2004; Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000), and men are the victims in nearly a quarter of intimate homicides (Rennison, 2003)”
Dutton, Nichols
The gender paradigm in domestic violence research and theory
Feminist theory of intimate violence is critically reviewed in the light of data from numerous incidence studies reporting levels of violence by female perpetrators higher than those reported for males, particularly in younger age samples. A critical analysis of the methodology of these studies is made with particular reference to the Conflict Tactics Scale developed and utilised by Straus and his colleagues. Results show that the gender disparity in injuries from domestic violence is less than originally portrayed by feminist theory. Studies are also reviewed indicating high levels of unilateral intimate violence by females to both males and females. Males appear to report their own victimization less than females do and to not view female violence against them as a crime. Hence, they differentially under-report being victimized by partners on crime victim surveys.
Jon has not been abused! You people obviously have never watched the older episodes of the show.
Let me clarify a few things here. Jon would be sitting on his rear doing NOTHING while Kate was doing EVERYTHING.
Kate would ask for help. Jon would do nothing. After asking for help several times with no response, Kate would yell at Jon out of frustration.
That isn't abusive. Anyone would react that way. Taking care of 8 kids is a lot of work!
The truth about Jon is that he is a very lazy, immature man. He takes no responsibility for his actions. Instead, he lays all the blame on others.
You people need to wake up and see the truth here.
I agree with Max. My wife and I have watched the show since the beginning. Jon has not been abused. Jon has been neglectful!
We have wondered all along why Kate never tossed Jon out on his ear! He is lazy! It was like Kate had 9 kids instead of 8.
If I had shown as little interest in taking care of my kids, the way Jon has, my wife would have the same way. Parenting is hard work.
To those of you who are blaming the victim,
Jon quit his job to be the stay-at-home parent while Kate traveled the country to promote her book. How many of you know how it feels to need a break when the absent parent is back in the picture for awhile?
I can't believe Jon actually is going around claiming abuse. I agree with others who say Jon was not abused.
Jon likes to play, rather than work. It has been obvious from the beginning that Jon will do nothing until someone blows a fuse at him.
I watch the show too. I know what Jon is like and I would not have put up with it the way Kate did. I don't know how she did it for so long.
Jon's actions caused Kate to react in the manner she did. Instead of ingoring his family, Jon should have helped Kate with the kids he helped to create.
I don't know if Kate realizes it or not, but she is much calmer and happier wiithout the stress of Jon and his lazy ways!
Hey Teri,
Jon didn't quit his job to stay home. He got fired from the job. After Jon got fired, he decided to stay home.
No one asked him to, no one forced him to. Jon encouraged Kate to promote their book - the book was written by both Jon and Kate.
Sara is right, Jon got fired from Style Craft Corp. because he was playing on the Internet instead of doing his job.
Jon Gosselin is too much! He lies and stirs up stories left and right. Most of which are NOT true.
Jon is not a victim of abuse. He is a very troubled person though. Acts like he is on drugs.
I am 79 years old. I have been married longer than some of you have been alive. My husband and I love watching the show and never miss it.
Neither one of us could believe it when we heard Jon's claim of emotional abuse because there was no abuse there.
Sure they got mad at each other and yelled/argued and said things they didn't mean. Most couples do.
Kate was publicly rude and degrading to Jon on more than one occasion. I agree with the principle the author puts forth that Jon was verbally and emotionally abused by Kate. If she was that nasty with him while the cameras were rolling, what else happened when the cameras stopped??
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