With the Jon & Kate fiasco still fresh in TV viewers' minds, many of us wonder how all this will affect their eight children. In headline news this week, Kate Gosselin said, "I'm still wearing my wedding ring for my kids." Meanwhile in other news, Jenny Sanford made headlines as she moved her kids out of the Governor's mansion to a new home to start the school year.
An expert on infidelity, Dr. Ana Nogales is the author of Parents Who Cheat. Dr. Nogales can help families understand some of the emotional consequences for a child--young or old--when a parent cheats. She says, marital infidelity is also parental infidelity. Cheating directly affects a couple's children.
Dr. Nogales had this to say about the many high profile/celebrity infidelities noted in the news. Are children less likely to think their parent’s infidelity is a “big deal”? Why or Why not? ANA: Whether you are six or twenty-six, your parent’s infidelity is still a “big deal.” It’s one thing to find out that John Edwards cheated or that Jon Gosselin may have cheated on Kate; we may be shocked, but their lives don’t affect us personally. On the other hand, when one of your parents is sexually unfaithful, the emotional consequences can be intense. Young and older children alike often feel angry, betrayed, confused, ashamed – and sometimes even guilty for unknowingly “keeping the secret” of their parent’s infidelity. My “Parents Who Cheat Survey” indicates that, even in our liberalized culture, children still expect fidelity between their parents, and adult children whose parents cheated still report suffering the effects of their parents’ betrayal—especially an inability to trust their own partners. Examiner: How can parents undergoing an infidelity crisis help their child cope with his or her reactions? ANA: Finding out that your mother or father has had a sexual relationship with another person is a shattering experience. With that said, honesty is always preferable to lying. Even small children can be told the truth in an age-appropriate way. The betrayed parent shouldn’t prevent their child from having a relationship with the parent who cheated. And the cheating parent should acknowledge the hurt that he or she has caused. It is also important for parents going through an infidelity crisis to listen to their children and allow them to express how they feel about what has happened.
I offer further insight and advice in my book Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adult Children Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful. Learn more about the book at Amazon.
Comments
I think that it's very interesting the E! didn't not air Jon's interview. It seems that TCL may have squelched the interview.
I am wondering if Jon "knows too much" and TCL is afraid that he will spill the beans about Kate and her affair. Also, if they had asked Jon did Kate want the divorce in October. There are many questions that could have been asked to Jon about Kate and although he's been no angel- with her new implants etc... I'm not sure that she's not up to something too.
Kate never had an affair. Jon is the one who had an affair.
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