Tantrums and how to deal with them

Watch out, here she comes!

One of the biggest fears many people have about becoming parents, aside from keeping the child alive and not screwing them up too bad, is dealing with the "Terrific Two's."  Tantrums are one of the scariest parts of parenthood because their cause and solution seem so elusive.  
The thing with tantrums is that the child's emotions have run away with them.  Think back to how you felt as a teenager when something big didn't go your way.  You felt uneasy, maybe a little frantic, it was hard to see how anything was going to be ok ever again.  That is how your toddler feels when they get into a tantrum only it's much, much worse because they haven't yet developed the skills necessary to think through their emotions or to see around their immediate wants.  
The signs that a tantrum is building are plentiful if you know what to look for.  Do you see little dark circles under their eyes?  Being tired is going to mean that they have less mental energy to control their emotions so get that child a nap if possible.  If they start acting grumpy and say no to everything, you've been put on notice.  They may start picking on a younger sibling or doing something destructive that they know is against the rules.  They have lost the will to control themselves so when you step in to stop the objectionable behavior, they loose it.  
 Once they are in the throes of a tantrum, you basically have two choices.  Hug it out or ignore it.  Some say that you have to reason with your child and we've all seen those parents in the mall who are dancing attendance on a screaming toddler trying to talk them out of it.  That simply isn't going to work once your child has hit a real tantrum.  There may be some experts out there who still think that reasoning and logic are going to work on a two-year-old who missed their nap but my guess is they've never had one themselves.  Logic and reasoning may work when your child is well rested and in a good mood but you have to remember that you are dealing with someone who doesn't really have the capability for that at this time.  They are out of control and no amount of reason is going to bring them back.  
So, hug it out or ignore it.  Hugging it out is preferable if you have the time and mental energy.  Sit down right where your child is, pull them into your lap and hold them firmly (they will fight you a bit, maybe a big bit) for as long as it takes for them to calm down.  Speak into their ear in a calm and reassuring voice.  Tell them stories, talk about the situation that set off the tantrum.  You'll be doing all this over the sound of screaming but it's important to keep your voice calm and composed.  If you find that you cannot do this, for whatever reason, then it may be a good idea to try ignoring it.
Ignoring it is best done at home where you can put the child in their own room (provided it is toddler proof and there's nothing they can hurt themselves on), tell them that you love them but that they can't talk to you this way.  When they are finished screaming, they can come and tell you what they need and you will listen to them.  Then you leave and check back every few minutes until your child has calmed down enough to talk to you.  Then you talk with them about why they were upset, what they can do instead of screaming and then change the subject and do something fun.
Of the two methods, hugging it out is probably preferable but if you feel your patience wearing thin and your last nerve being strained, the later method might be better.  Your child's tantrums can wear on you and they need you to be in control even though they aren't.  If you can't muster that, parking them in their room is much preferable to saying or doing something you'll regret later.  Remember, this too shall pass.