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Real self esteem
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Do you really want a wife with that much self esteem? Dorothy Brigg's book, "Your Child's Self Esteem" revolutionized the way we raised children in 1970. It was an abrupt departure from the 1960's "Mad Men" era, where children were to be seen and not heard. Building your child's self-esteem meant teaching them that they were valuable with their thoughts and place in the world, and were special and unique with all-important needs. But like many social phenomena, the pendulum swung so far from the 'seen and not heard' direction to the 'you are number one' direction that we created a society of self-involved, self-indulgent, people with too much self-importance. We've all met the princess who thinks the world, and everyone on it, should bow to orbit her needs. And we’ve all met the self-entitled goddess who makes everyone else wait for her because her demands are not being met precisely as she sees fit.
True self-esteem is not self-importance. Someone with true self-esteem is flexible and has the ability to preserve harmony and dignity under conditions of stress. They are in a friendly relationship to facts and can acknowledge mistakes because their self-image is not tied to one of perfection.
A woman who walks into a room with an air of importance begs for others to treat her as such, and strangely, subjects unintentionally fall to service her in her self-proclaimed, significance. Unaware we are even doing it, we jump to her every whim. The self-absorbed prom queen has us all believing that she is more relevant than everyone else and we actually buy it. Is this really the woman a man wants to marry? Servicing a queen can get pretty tiring after a while. And if men want to be treated as a king, their servitude to her royalty is not conducive.
Take two women on vacation. One has real self-esteem and the other has high self-importance. The one with real self-esteem will not express a strong need to sleep in one bed verses the other, or eat at one restaurant verses the other, because she doesn't think her needs are more important than the other vacationers. The woman with high self-importance however, will be very adamant about where, and for how long, she wants to sit, eat, lounge, sleep, walk and dress, and her feet will hurt, her eyes will water, her stomach will ache, and everyone around her is required to attend to this discomfort and wait for her as she dictates when the party will proceed from one event to the next. She is entitled to it. It is her birthright. She has been told her whole life that she is number one and all-important, and she has been told that she has great self-esteem.
In the long run, men want a partner who will compromise their needs to benefit the partnership - not themselves. A marriage requires surrender and accommodation and needs to adjust to the demands and needs of both people. It shouldn’t be a contest with someone who dissents and quarrels because they are rigid in their requirements. A person with high self-importance can be a turn on at first, but marrying someone with real self-esteem makes for a happier marriage.
For more information, contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search melinda@theperfectsearch.com
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