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Dating with kids
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As a VIP matchmaker with Perfect Search, I have had many clients who are divorced with kids and trying to date again. Whether the children are small toddlers, teenagers or adult children, the question remains the same. “When do I introduce my kids to my date?”
There are many different viewpoints for navigating this delicate situation and many ways to get it wrong. The best way to get it right is to introduce the prospective mate as nothing more than a platonic friend. Teaching your kids how to have platonic friends of the opposite sex is always a good lesson, and by removing the romantic aspect, the stress and pressure from the introduction is alleviated from the start. Additionally, being able to watch the potential boyfriend, or girlfriend, interact with your kids helps determine how smoothly they would assimilate into the fold of the family.
I had one client who was dating a woman for an entire year before he had the courage to introduce her to the kids. By the time he introduced her they already had a full-fledged, serious relationship and were ready to move in together. The kids were shocked. They were jealous and felt betrayed that they were just now finding out. How could their father keep such a secret from them? They had a hard time being objective about the new girlfriend and gave her a chilly and lasting cold shoulder. If you wait until after you’ve fallen in love before introducing the kids it can feel like dropping a bomb on them. “Oh, kids, by the way, we are moving in with Mr. Scary-New- Guy and I know you don’t know him, and have no idea who he is, but he is great and is going to be your new step father”.
If you begin dating someone you really like, you should introduce him or her to your kids merely as a platonic friend. The kids will have nothing to worry about. It is just a friend. Don’t hold hands or display any behavior that would contradict this and then you will have the luxury to stretch it out until you have determined this person is a real keeper. Your kids will have the opportunity to develop a relationship on their own with the “friend” and then will be delighted when dad, or mom, announces the friendship has now developed into a romantic relationship and their parent no longer has to be alone. By bringing the “friend” around family events, the kids have the opportunity to go to movies with them, watch TV together, and cook dinner with the “friend”. The "friend" can establish their own relationship with the kids making for an easy transition from "friend" to happy family.
So, when do you introduce your kids to your date? Whenever you feel like this person is a keeper. When do you introduce your kids to your “friend”? Better sooner than later.
For more information contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search melinda@theperfectsearch.com
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