Fabulous things your kids can teach you

June 16, 10:20 PMParenting Humor ExaminerAnnette van de Kamp

Especially if you have a daughter, the learning curve is steep.
I have learned all there is to know about Captain Underwear, and the necessities of wearing a long dress and makeup while roller-skating. I know now that if you want to climb trees, expensive green velvet pants are better than old jeans, laundry does not belong in baskets but needs to be spread out on the floor, and the little brother needs to be punished not for what he did, but for what he might do. When you do something wrong, you should plead the fifth. And, last but not least, I have learned that she really likes to cry when she doesn’t get her way. It’s practice for when she is old enough to date, or –god forbid- marry: it helps with the manipulation thing if you can produce tears at will. My daughter is a freaking force of nature in that department; no worries there.

The little brother himself has a few nuggets to offer as well. Toothpaste is a multi purpose medium. Sharp little Lego pieces should either be swallowed, or left where they are mostly likely to be stepped on. You should cry when they drop you off at school and fuss when they pick you up. Sleep anywhere, except in your own bed. When in doubt, hit first and ask questions later; and never, ever forget to unroll the toilet paper roll. All the way to the end: otherwise you may as well skip it. By the way: riding your bike inside is the best thing ever.

With all this newly acquired knowledge comes the understanding: I am in over my head. I may be “learning” lots of cute little things from my kids, but am I still learning anything for myself; anything that doesn’t involve parenting tips, Pixar movies, or snotty noses?
What have I done for me lately? How long has it been since I worked for an hour, uninterrupted, and actually accomplished something?

And why am I so whiny? Is it the heat? I am not even at the halfway point, and already I’m sick and tired of summer. Maybe I should just drop my kids off at school tomorrow, and drive away before they realize the doors are locked. Then, I’ll shut off my cell phone, and pick them up in the afternoon. I can always pretend I “just forgot”. My daughter uses that excuse all the time; surely I can borrow it just this once?

For much more useful tips on what to do if your summer isn't going so smooth, check out Omaha Examiner Amie Konwinski's latest post. She has some excellent ideas.