RSS
Home
Looking Back With Sarcasm: The 2008 NFL Draft
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
Looking Back With Sarcasm: For the next two weeks, every day we'll take a look back at the NFL Drafts of the past ten years. These timelines were written as the draft occurred, and are printed here, warts and all.
Last year has already started to show some major dividends, as Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco both led their teams to the playoffs.
The NFL Draft Day timeline, 2008:
Saturday, 7:30 a.m. - - A predraft catastrophe occurs when the hair of Mel Kiper, Draft Expert is damaged in transit. Luckily, a strike team consisting of a stylist, a makeup artist, and an arc welder are on hand to avert the tragedy.
2:00 p.m. - ESPN's official coverage of the draft begins, as opposed to the unofficial coverage they've been immersed in for the last two weeks.
2:01 p.m. - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell welcomes us all to the the NFL Draft, telling everyone that the new "streamlined" format of the draft will make things go quicker. That's a good thing, since last year's draft finished during the halftime show of Super Bowl XLII.
2:02 p.m. - Goodell launches right in, announcing the Dolphins pick of Jake Long as the number one pick. To show his approval, Miami's Bill Parcells smiles so briefly, it can only be seen in HD.
2:10 p.m. - ESPN analyst Steve Young says the St. Louis Rams lack heart, and says that Jerry Rice brought heart to his 49ers teams of the 90's. Young has now officially crossed the line from thoughtful analyst to the bitter, doddering old "back in my day" guy. He then calls Chris Long "Chris Young," tells a rambling story about George Seifert's driving, and leaves to go take a nap.
2:12 p.m. - The Rams select Chris Long, son of Howie Long.
2:13 p.m. - The Raiders attempt to select Howie Long, father of Chris Long. Raiders owner Al Davis justifies the decision by saying Howie would "look good in black and silver."
2:14 p.m. - A cutaway shot of Chris Long shows him being interviewed by the NFL Network's Deion Sanders. This serves the twofold purpose of
a) reminding football fans everywhere that the NFL Network is also providing draft day coverage, and
b) reminding football fans that they don't want to watch it, because Deion Sanders is on it.
2:16 p.m. - A video recap of the past year for the Atlanta Falcons airs, leading Falcons fans to weep like they've just watched a double bill of "Steel Magnolias" and "Terms of Endearment."
2:18 p.m. - ESPN provides a close up of analyst Keyshawn Johnson, who is wearing a pinstriped suit, plaid shirt, and pink polka dotted tie. ESPN HD viewers everywhere throw up.
2:19 p.m. - The Falcons select quarterback Matt Ryan. Somewhere, Michael Vick's cellmate offers to cheer him up by shanking a prison guard for him.
2:27 p.m. - ESPN analysts discuss running back Darren McFadden's past, including character concerns, nightclub altercations, and paternity suit problems.
2:28 p.m. - Raiders owner Al Davis responds, "You had me at character concerns," and drafts McFadden.
2:35 p.m. - ESPN analyst Wendy Nix in Kansas City announces the Chiefs want to trade their pick, and will take the entire ten minutes before selecting a player.
2:36 p.m. - The Chiefs, who clearly weren't listening, draft Glenn Dorsey less than sixty seconds after Nix makes her report.
2:37 p.m. - Steve Young talks about Dorsey's "heart," then slips away to drink a cup of hot tea with this month's Reader's Digest.
2:44 p.m. - With the Jets on the clock, New York fans in attendance boo. No reason, just warming up.
2:46 p.m. - The Jets take defensive end Vernon Gholston, and Jets fans break out in hearty cheers that last nearly a minute, until they notice New England has the next pick and start booing again.
2:00 p.m. - ESPN's official coverage of the draft begins, as opposed to the unofficial coverage they've been immersed in for the last two weeks.
2:01 p.m. - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell welcomes us all to the the NFL Draft, telling everyone that the new "streamlined" format of the draft will make things go quicker. That's a good thing, since last year's draft finished during the halftime show of Super Bowl XLII.
2:02 p.m. - Goodell launches right in, announcing the Dolphins pick of Jake Long as the number one pick. To show his approval, Miami's Bill Parcells smiles so briefly, it can only be seen in HD.
2:10 p.m. - ESPN analyst Steve Young says the St. Louis Rams lack heart, and says that Jerry Rice brought heart to his 49ers teams of the 90's. Young has now officially crossed the line from thoughtful analyst to the bitter, doddering old "back in my day" guy. He then calls Chris Long "Chris Young," tells a rambling story about George Seifert's driving, and leaves to go take a nap.
2:12 p.m. - The Rams select Chris Long, son of Howie Long.
2:13 p.m. - The Raiders attempt to select Howie Long, father of Chris Long. Raiders owner Al Davis justifies the decision by saying Howie would "look good in black and silver."
2:14 p.m. - A cutaway shot of Chris Long shows him being interviewed by the NFL Network's Deion Sanders. This serves the twofold purpose of
a) reminding football fans everywhere that the NFL Network is also providing draft day coverage, and
b) reminding football fans that they don't want to watch it, because Deion Sanders is on it.
2:16 p.m. - A video recap of the past year for the Atlanta Falcons airs, leading Falcons fans to weep like they've just watched a double bill of "Steel Magnolias" and "Terms of Endearment."
2:18 p.m. - ESPN provides a close up of analyst Keyshawn Johnson, who is wearing a pinstriped suit, plaid shirt, and pink polka dotted tie. ESPN HD viewers everywhere throw up.
2:19 p.m. - The Falcons select quarterback Matt Ryan. Somewhere, Michael Vick's cellmate offers to cheer him up by shanking a prison guard for him.
2:27 p.m. - ESPN analysts discuss running back Darren McFadden's past, including character concerns, nightclub altercations, and paternity suit problems.
2:28 p.m. - Raiders owner Al Davis responds, "You had me at character concerns," and drafts McFadden.
2:35 p.m. - ESPN analyst Wendy Nix in Kansas City announces the Chiefs want to trade their pick, and will take the entire ten minutes before selecting a player.
2:36 p.m. - The Chiefs, who clearly weren't listening, draft Glenn Dorsey less than sixty seconds after Nix makes her report.
2:37 p.m. - Steve Young talks about Dorsey's "heart," then slips away to drink a cup of hot tea with this month's Reader's Digest.
2:44 p.m. - With the Jets on the clock, New York fans in attendance boo. No reason, just warming up.
2:46 p.m. - The Jets take defensive end Vernon Gholston, and Jets fans break out in hearty cheers that last nearly a minute, until they notice New England has the next pick and start booing again.
For part two of the 2008 NFL Draft Day timeline, click here.
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
This last week was a fine example of the NFL at its finest, and also its lousiest. The Sunday night game between the Patriots and Colts was an …
The Kansas City Chiefs have decided that if they can lose with or without running back Larry Johnson, they'd rather do it without him. Today …
- Reid's Pop Culture Ramblings
- Paula Duffy, LA Woman & Sports Genius
- Tom Ferda, National Sports Writer & Pride of Atlanta
- Jeff Bergren, NFL Writer & Man About Town
- Andrew Kossak, NFL Dude
- Brad Hostetler, Helmetless Fantasy Football Hero
- Ryan Killian, Cowboys Hombre
- AJ Burge, Texans Writer & Matt Schaub Devotee
- Lew Wright, Furry Washington State Writer
- Aaron Calafato, Perfect-Haired Cleveland Browns Writer
