Looking Back With Sarcasm: The 2002 NFL Draft

April 15, 11:47 PMNFL ExaminerReid Kerr

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Looking Back With Sarcasm: For the next two weeks, every day we'll take a look back at the NFL Drafts of the past ten years. These timelines were written as the draft occurred, and are printed here, warts and all.

This was a draft with a first round full of disappointing skill position players. You want proof? David Carr and Joey Harrington went in the first three picks, but at least they weren't a danger to society. This first round also produced Donte Stallworth.

The NFL Draft Day timeline, 2002: 

Wednesday, 1:00pm: The Houston Texans announce they will be taking Fresno State quarterback David Carr with the number one pick. Jets fans worldwide boo, just to get into shape for next week's draft day.

Saturday, 5:45am: Mel Kiper, Draft Expert, awakens to find neighborhood youths have broken into his house, and are attempting to chisel off pieces of his hair for sale at an online auction.

April 20, 2002, 11:00am: NFL Draft 2002 coverage gets underway. ESPN's live broadcast team includes twelve people at the draft site, nine anchors, six analysts, a steel cage containing two draft experts and a rabid wolverine, fifteen reporters at NFL sites nationwide, a biomechanics expert, a phone hook-up to Barcelona, one reporter dispatched into the Thunderdome-like crowd, two members of Ozzy Osbourne's family, and Jimmy Johnson.

11:08am: NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue welcomes everyone to the draft.

11:15am: In spite of being on the clock since 1999 and already having their choice under contract, the Houston Texans still take seven minutes to announce their pick. Jets fans boo, which to them is the equivalent of pregame stretching.

11:17am: A debate sparks over David Carr's sidearm delivery and its possible effect on his NFL career. Rams coach Mike Martz, who holds a degree in biomechanics, says Carr's delivery will not be a problem, while ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski says Carr will have to change his style of play to make it in the NFL.

11:20am: As the debate intensifies, Jaworski claims Carr "couldn't sling peanuts in the cheap seats with that sidearm junk." ESPN anchor Suzi Kolber slips out for a beverage, leaving Jaworski ranting at the camera like Hulk Hogan before a title match.

11:23am: Carolina selects North Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers. Jaworski offers to take Martz outside in the parking lot, and "compare delivery styles, fathead."

11:26am: In an interview, Texan David Carr calls for peace at the draft. An on-screen graphic indicates the over-under for mentions of the word "biomechanics" is twelve.

11:35am: Mel Kiper, Draft Expert, announces that if the Detroit Lions do not select Oregon quarterback Joey Harrington with the next pick, the terrorists have won.

11:38am: The Lions select Harrington. An on-screen graphic indicates that Harrington is the first Oregon quarterback taken in the first round since Akili Smith, and the first quarterback taken in the first round by Detroit since Andre Ware. Hearing his name mentioned with Smith and Ware, Harrington is visibly frightened.

11:46am: Buffalo makes their first pick, Texas lineman Mike Williams. Buffalo also makes New England an offer for quarterback Drew Bledsoe involving a draft pick next year. An insulted New England counter-offers a Drew Bledsoe bobble-head doll for that trade. Buffalo asks for time to consider the offer.

11:58am: San Diego selects Texas cornerback Quentin Jammer, putting the Dallas Cowboys on the clock. Coverage shifts to the Cowboys draft room, featuring Jerry Jones stalking the room, working the phones like the ghoulish specter of bad drafts past.