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Looking Back With Sarcasm: The 1999 NFL Draft

Looking Back With Sarcasm: For the next two weeks, every day we'll take a look back at the NFL Drafts of the past ten years. These timelines were written as the draft occurred, and are printed here, warts and all.

It was just ten years ago we witnessed the famous "Ricky Williams" draft, the first time a team has ever traded away an entire draft for one pick. Thanks to Ricky, it'll probably also be the last. This was also the year that everybody drafted a quarterback and everybody wasted the pick except Philadelphia.

The NFL Draft Day timeline, 1999: 

April 17, 1999, 6:00am, Central Standard Time: Saints coach Mike Ditka calls Indianapolis, offers entire draft of 1999 for Ricky Williams. Colts put him on hold, accidentally hang up.

7:00am: Mel Kiper, draft expert, arrives for the draft after finishing his newsletter on the 100 best eighth-grade football players in the nation.

11:00am: Official television and radio pregame coverage of the draft begins. Analysts are paid thousands of dollars to judge the upcoming careers of young men who haven't played any more professional football than you or I.

11:30am: Ditka calls Colts back, offers to throw in last year's number one pick and next year's number one for Williams. Colts promise to think it over.

11:35am: Cleveland Browns make the first overall selection in the 1999 draft, Tim Couch of Kentucky. Couch receives a handshake from Paul Tagliabue and a soul-kiss from "Big Dawg."

11:36am: Philadelphia Eagles fans begin chanting "We want Ricky" as their team goes on the clock.

11:40am: Eagles fans begin chanting "Eagles suck" as the Eagles select quarterback Donovan McNabb from Syracuse. Other football fans in the crowd who try to assure Eagles fans that McNabb will be a great NFL QB are dragged into the aisles and beaten to death.

11:45am: Ditka calls Colts, throws in two pitchers of margaritas and lifetime supply of Mardi Gras beads. Colts become tempted.

11:55am: Cincinnati selects QB Akili Smith of Oregon with the third pick. Smith talks about taking the summer to learn the Bengals offense. Somewhere in Ohio, Neil O'Donnell thinks about taking the summer to learn the lucrative art of television repair.

11:56am: Ditka calls Colts, offers Mrs. Ditka. Colts hang up.

12:03pm: The Colts select running back Edgerrin James of Miami. The city of Indianapolis suddenly requires one giant Heimlich maneuver. In New Orleans, Mike Ditka opens mouth, drops burning cigar onto Mardi Gras shirt. He will not notice until Sunday morning.

12:04pm: Saints coach Mike Ditka calls Redskins, offers big package of draft picks for Ricky Williams. Redskins general manager Charlie Casserly replies "You had me at hello." Ditka doesn't get it.

12:05pm: Ricky Williams becomes the first and only pick in the 1999 draft for the New Orleans Saints. Ditka, shirt now completely ablaze, takes the phone off the hook and everybody goes out for cold ones.
 

For part two of the 1999 NFL Draft Day timeline, click here.