RSS
Home
Atheism and marriage: Promises made to each other, not to a god
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
These two didn't need a church to mate for life.
(Photo © Samuel Blanc -
Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported)
Upon casually revealing my atheism to some new, young colleagues, one of them leaped immediately to the question of whether I oppose the institution of marriage because of its religious associations. I was taken aback somewhat. Normally I am questioned as to how atheists can be good without a superdaddy watching over them, or whether I'm really, really, double-sure that there isn't a God. But this person jumped right into the weeds.
My gut reaction was to answer no, of course I don't oppose marriage. I myself am happily married, for the love of mike. I am a fierce proponent of the right of gay couples to marry. Of course I'm not against marriage itself! Sheesh!
But moments after I shot from the hip, I did find myself pondering the question more seriously. I had brushed it off as though it were nearly absurd -- we atheists aren't monsters after all (or are we?) -- but the substance of the question has real merit and deserves a more thoughtful response.
The cultural zeitgeist tends to conflate notions of marriage with images of houses of worship, officiants going on about the Almighty, hymns and prayers, and other theological particularities. But my wife and I, for example, were married in an entirely secular ceremony, and almost no pains were required to make that so. Our officiant was an attorney friend of the family's (which is allowed in Maine, where we held the ceremony), and all promises and oaths were reserved for me and my bride, and none were made to (or requested for) God. But most of the usual trappings of a happy, traditional wedding were there. It was a great day!
And so is the case for our marriage itself. We entered a union with each other that makes us better people, that strengthens us, and that offers us support, love, and companionship for a lifelong partnership. It's a promise we've made to each other, and for us, that carries far more weight than any promise we could make to a deity, even if one existed to adjudicate it.
The important thing to remember is that good ideas are not exclusive to one religion, worldview, or philosophy. Because a social tradition is perceived to have a religious root, it doesn't negate its benefits or wisdom in a secular context. Of course, marriage is not necessarily religious in origin to begin with (and plenty of animal species mate for life, presumably doing so without guidance from a holy text), though it has that association to many today. But even if it had been spawned exclusively from theism and superstition, the social convention of two human beings opting to become official partners in a loving relationship has purely secular, practical arguments in its favor that require no supernatural covenants layered on top. So the god of my idolatry is no god at all, but a real, beautiful, wonderful human being.
* * * *
For more on this topic: Trina Hoaks raises other interesting questions about atheism and marriage in the context of Christian resistance to gay marriage.
* * * *
Related posts:
- Book review: 'The Atheist's Way' is a crucial message in a light tome
- Dr. Phil counsels a Christian woman to 'have faith' in dealing with her atheist husband
- Humanism and Ethical Culture: Brotherhood for nonbelievers
Related Articles:
Comments
