Jenny Sanford shows betrayed wives how to take a firm stand

July 17, 10:32 PMInfidelity ExaminerRuth Houston

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Jenny Sanford is a role model for betrayed wives everywhere. She has shown the world how a wife with a cheating husband can lay the groundwork for saving her marriage without sacrificing her dignity and self respect.

On discovering Governor Mark Sanford’s affair with Argentinean Maria Belen-Chapur, Jenny Sanford moved forward with a game plan to save her marriage, which incorporates the steps below.

Control your emotions. - Get a grip on your emotions. Give yourself a few hours, a few days, a few weeks – whatever you need to get your emotions under control before you confront your husband about his affair. If you react on the spur of the moment, you might say or do something you will later regret. Think before you act. Then proceed with a well-thought-out plan.

Confront him with the proof and tell him you know. - Confront your husband with whatever proof you’ve obtained that he is, or has been cheating, and tell him you know about the affair. Notice that I said: tell him you know. Do not ask him if he’s cheating – it will only encourage him to lie. This means you must already have solid proof of his affair. Jenny Sanford confronted her husband with a letter she found in his files that proved he was having an affair.

Tell him you disapprove. – Don’t beat around the bush. Let him know that you disapprove of, and will not tolerate his affair. Make it clear to him, in no uncertain terms that you want it to stop.

Tell him to end it now. - Insist that he end the affair immediately. No long, drawn-out, extended goodbyes like Governor Mark Sanford’s 5-day goodbye to his Argentinean mistress Maria Belen-Chapur. He does not need to say goodbye face-to-face. He can call, e-mail, or write.a letter to inform his mistress that the affair is over, and he won’t be seeing her again.

Have him cut off all contact with his mistress. – Be very clear that you expect him to have no further contact with his mistress. He should cut off ALL communication with her. No contact means exactly that - no contact – no e-mails, phone calls, no text messages, no personal visits with the Other Woman.

Warn him what will happen if he does it again. – Make sure he knows there will be serious consequences if it happens again. And be prepared to follow through. Meanwhile, get legal and financial advice so you’ll know what your options are, if the cheating should occur again.

Make him earn your forgiveness. - Let him know- like Jenny Sanford –that you are willing to forgive him, but that forgiveness will not be handed to him on a silver platter. Make you’re your husband understands that he needs to earn your trust and your forgiveness by his words and deeds from this point on.

Seek professional counseling. – Engage the services of a knowledgeable marriage and family counselor - one who is experienced in dealing with infidelity. Studies indicate that couples who seek professional counseling are much more likely to stay together. If you cannot afford counseling, invest in one or more books on surviving infidelity (there are several good ones available) and read them together.

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If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand Like Jenny Sanford.