Do you need help letting go?

August 18, 3:33 AMNY Holistic Science & Spirit ExaminerTima Vlasto

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Identification can be one of the most silent but  insidious types of "identity theft" there is. If you identify with something and simply can't let go; that object, person or idea owns you. And just like identity theft, it owns your reputation as well.

It is hard to let go of that job, relationship, grudge or bad mood. You may try to distract yourself or convince yourself you have moved on, but find you are still right there holding on, making excuses and maybe even recruiting other people to agree with you.

Letting go isn't as simple as it seems.

I had a very interesting experience as a child  that stayed with me for my entire life. I was sitting in the back seat of my grandfather's car. It was a California summer and 100 degrees outside. He gave me one of those gold foiled chocolate coins which were my favorite candy. I held it in my hand tightly in the back seat of that hot car until we got home so I could savor it in my room later. You can guess what happened when I arrived home. I opened my hand and all that was left was a puddle of melted chocolate and crumpled piece of gold foil. My chocolate coin was ruined and a life lesson was learned.

I realized if you hold on too tightly; you can ruin things. Everything needs a certain handling and care. This applies, not only to physical objects and chocolates, but also to moods and relationships as well. The following are some things to consider while releasing and letting go of something or someone in your life.:

1.  The first step to "letting go" is to remind yourself (and you may need to do this repeatedly), that you were once a separate individual before your identification with whatever it is you are holding on to. You need to remember that you were once a whole person with an individualized self before that job or relationship you believe you can't live without, left your life. You need to remind yourself that an hour before your mood changed, and you identified with that mood, that you were a whole and happy person.

2.  We will never wipe out the process of identification from our human experience. Merging with objects, people, situations, and feelings is part of life. The difficulty starts when we can't move on or let go after “becoming one" and forget we can do two things at once. Consciousness is quite capable of merging and identifying with something or someone; and at the same time still remains aware of our Self.

3.  Renewing this dual state of conscious awareness is vital. Imagine if you made love to your partner and then forgot who you are or where you live. In the same way, a part of your consciousness can remain aware of who you are, even when another part is merging on a different level.

4.  Maintaining awareness of your Self lessens the risk of falling into denial and distraction. It also lessens the risk of running around trying to manipulate the situation into creating that merged state again.

When you finally become aware of yourself again, it's easier to understand what still wants to be attached to you, what doesn't want to be in your life and why. You'll feel empowered again and able to stand in your own individuality, and be more readily open to new possibilities, people, experiences and objects that can “merge” with you again.

This ability to be able to detach and attach at will, like any new skill, needs repeated practice. If you can't access that part of yourself, simply asking the question, “Who am I?” will reboot your awareness of your individualized self.

Remember, we aren't talking about Buddhist detachment, denial, escapism or manipulation of the situation. Letting go is simply, a healthy sense of one's Self while engaging and disengaging from the experiences in our lives.

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