If only I’d received this book in time for National Boss Day! As I read “Working for You Isn’t Working for Me: The Ultimate Guide to Managing Your Boss” by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, I began to feel more and more empowered—even about past boss relationships. Even if you plan on becoming an entrepreneur and being the boss yourself, this is an incredibly important read.
Heather Huhman: What have you found are some of the most common difficult boss situations?
Katherine Crowley: The most common difficult situations usually involve bosses who are either overly controlling, emotionally volatile, or mentally and physically absent.
Kathi Elster: Some people say the Chronic Critic is the most painful because he/she wears down your self-confidence, but depending on who you are, the Checked Out boss, or the Persecutor can be extremely difficult.
HH: What are the ways people instinctively cope with bad bosses? And why are these unhealthy or ineffective?
KC: Working for a difficult boss is stressful, and under stress we usually revert to familiar, fear-based ways of coping. It’s common to obsess about the boss, or avoid all contact. Some people try to confront the boss or retaliate in some way.
KE: We revert back to behaviors we learned as kids, like bad-mouthing, shutting out, wishing for the boss’ demise. These behaviors only make our problems with the boss worse; we are seen as immature, unproductive and difficult to work with—they never work.
HH: What should they do instead?
KE: Before you act out, take a time out and think through what your options may be. For example, if you work for a boss who refuses to meet with you, and that same person suddenly wants to meet, instead of acting out and saying “no,” persevere and let your desire to get even with the boss go. Tell yourself that you will find a way to discuss the importance of holding regular meetings in a more mature manner.
KC: This activity of letting go takes work. You have to detach yourself emotionally so that you can see the bigger picture. We encourage people to decompress physically by doing exercise or some kind of physical activity that releases built-up tension. Then, when you’ve calmed down, you can begin to see your options.
HH: You tell readers to accept that they can’t change their boss. Are you saying they should condone their bosses’ bad behavior?
KC: This is a very common misconception. Acceptance is not condoning. Acceptance is acknowledging the reality of your situation. If you can accept that your boss has a temper problem, or that you work for someone who is chronically late or that your boss must find fault with everything you do, then you can start to manage the relationship based on the reality of who that person is. You don’t waste time trying to change the other person.
KE: When you accept that you cannot change someone then you can build a relationship from that point. If my boss is always late, I can take that into account whenever I schedule a meeting or an appointment. If I work for a chronic faultfinder, I can learn to let the criticism roll of my back—instead of hoping it will go away. We are not saying that your boss if not a problem or that his or her behavior is okay. We are saying that you must accept what you cannot change.
For more career advice, visit my new blog at HeatherHuhman.com.
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