Katy Perry provided much needed sarcasm to Idol's LA stop

Tuesday night's American Idol audition show featured Los Angeles, the home of Idol itself. Taking that into consideration, you'd think there would have been more than five decent auditions featured on the show.  No such luck.  This was probably the most boring audition show yet.

Original Los Angeles auditions were held on June 30, while call backs were conducted September 3 & 4, for which Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne were on hand as guests judges. Side Note: In an interesting bit of editing, Idol presented the Los Angeles call backs in reverse order, indicating that Lavigne was present on day one and Perry, day two, when in actuality it was just the opposite.

Much like previous guest judges, Lavigne and Perry did little to really contribute useful feedback during the auditions. Doing a bit of self promotion by wearing an appropriately devil-horned hoodie from her own Abby Dawn clothing line, Lavigne was apparently temporarily possessed by her hoodie when at one point, along with  judge Kara DioGuardi, the two double-teamed a contestant who happened to be a married pastor by questioning his devotion to not only his family, but God when she indicated he potential couldn't handle committing to a music career and his family and his church.  Beyond that, she either giggled and hid her face like an embarrassed Harajuku Girl, or simply laughed out loud during most of the auditions.

For her part, Katy Perry, who recently became engaged to comedian/actor Russell Brand, did provide the night's best comment.  When Kara was getting sucked into the night's big sob story, Katy said, "This is not a Lifetime movie!" Not to mention Perry looked simply gorgeous, upping the Idol hot factor considerably during her all-too-brief tenure.

As for the auditions themselves. Unfortunately for the viewing audience, the producers only chose to share five full auditions of those who went on to receive golden tickets.  There was a plethora of bad.  

I'm going to save you time by writing about the good auditions first.  Unless you're so addicted to reality TV and crave the worst, in which case, skip on down to the bad section without the inconvenience of having to wait until "after the break."

The Good

The first of the good auditions was the previously mentioned pastor/family man, Jim Ranger.  He boldly chose to sing an original song titled Drive.  Jim's voice was raspy and rich; just the sort of thing good southern rock depends upon.  If past contestants like Idol finalist-turned-Broadway rocker Constantine Maroulis is any indication, Jim could go far in the competition. Let's just hope he doesn't meet the same fast-food hawking fate as or Bo Bice, who can currently be seen in a less than flattering Moe's Southwest Grill commercial.

My personal favorite of the night was the next contestant to be put on through to Hollywood.  Mary Powers rocked out Pat Benatar's signature song Love Is A Battlefield.  Simon had a smarmy comment about her predictable rocker-chick look, but despite that he liked her voice as did Randy Jackson and the ladies. Beside that, who doesn't love a contestant who's plucky little girl boldly professes to be more sarcastic than Cowell himself?

The night's most interesting contestant was Andrew Garcia.  His pre-taped intro divulged he grew up in Compton, the son of gang members. His parents left their gang-related youth and relocated to keep their son from falling into the same life patterns.  Now married and a father, which Kara and Avril seemed to be ok with in this case, Andrew chose Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 as his audition song.  His take on the song seemed effortless and thankfully he didn't overdo it with any Whitney-esque vocal showboating.

Tasha Layton, who is a personal assistant and a minister--again no judgements from Avril on whether or not she can be both a singer and a minister, was next.  For her audition, Tasha sang Baby Baby Baby by Joss Stone. Her voice was strong and the song choice fit her personality perfectly.

The second half of the Los Angeles auditions were filled with dreadful wannabes and only one full audition featuring a golden ticket winner.  Chris Golightly sang what has to be one of the most-sung audition songs in Idol history, Ben E. King's Stand By Me.  His backstory, of a youth spent bouncing from foster home to foster home, was the inspiration for Perry's Lifetime movie comment.  While his voice was good, the fact that he kept his eyes closed during the audition might be a red flag as to his lack of stage presence and ability to connect with the audience.  Simon and Katy gave him a yes, but noted "with a small y" while Randy and Kara bumped their yeses up to capital Ys.  

The Bad

As for the nearly unbearable amount of bad filler auditions, they barely deserve mention.  There was plenty of sweat Tuesday night, in the form of two separate auditions.  The first was Neil Goldstein.  Neil is the kind of contestant you want to root for--the ultimate underdog.  He's not particularly good looking, he's a computer nerd with a high I.Q. and he like Meatloaf, the singer not the food...well at least I think he meant the singer, seeing as how he chose Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through.  Simon commented on the irony when Goldstein forgot the lyrics just after singing, "Remember everything that I told you."  By this point Goldstein was glistening like Meatloaf's onetime Muppet duet partner, Miss Piggy at a meat-packing plant, and it was time to end it.  Simon, Randy and Kara tried to let him down easy, while Avril channeled Rachel McAdams from Mean Girls. Following a momentary stand-off during which Goldstein indicated he wasn't going to leave without a golden ticket, Simon mentioned security and with that, Goldstein exited the audition room.

Damien Lefavor's, a self-confessed martial arts enthusiast was the night's next disappointment.  His rendition of You've Lost That Loving Feeling was lost on the judges.

Another low of the evening came with the lamest of lame montages claiming wherever Idol went during this audition process they were met with Adam Lambert clones.  The montage was basically filled with anyone with a hairstyle that could possibly be labeled anything other than clean-cut and anyone, and I do mean anyone with black hair.

After the montage, it was Glambert name dropper A.J. Mendoza's moment to shine like the styling wax in his hair.  His pre-taped intro revealed he had actually been able to plug a song to Lambert, who according to Mendoza gave him encouraging words about his vocal skills.  If in fact Adam had made those comments, it was obvious after A.J.'s audition, Glammy was just being kind.

Day 2's round of rotten got off to a promising start when guest judge Katy Perry called out the other judges for arriving in their own backyard auditions by way of a helicopter. She also promised to be honest in her critique of the contestants.

Promises faded quickly when Austin Fullerman walked into the audition room.  The way too skinny Fullerman wore a skin-tight stripped shirt reminiscent of something Freddie Kruger might wear to a disco.  After his horrific audition, full of Mick Jagger-like face pulling and Iggy Pop-inspired movement mixed with an odd dose of Carol Channing theatrics, he was unceremoniously given nos all around.

Jason Greene was another stand-out in Tuesday's freak parade.  Judging from the long hair, pimply face and animated sex-kitten gesturing, it's a good bet Jason is a frequent participant in weekend drag who passes out rather than washing the make up off his face.  Oh come on! This kid chose the Divinyl's I Touch Myself as his audition song. Kara mockingly encouraged Jason during his performance, but Katy said it made her feel dirty. That's right!, the girl kissin'-waking up in vegas-future Mrs. Russell Brand said it made her feel dirty!  Not one to take rejection lying down, Greene latched on to a pillar next to the exit, wrapped his leg around it and said, "The good news is...I'll see you next year." Might i suggest a rousing rendition of Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy?

Biggest disappointment of the night came when Ashley Ferl's audition wasn't show.  Idol fans might remember Ashley as season 6's Crying Girl. The young Sanjaya Malakar fan who burst into tears every time he sang.  Having just turned 16 this past summer, Ferl was finally old enough to audition herself.  Must have been really bad for the judges not to have milked that bit of Idol history.

On board tonight for the Houston auditions will be Joe Jonas and Neil Patrick Harris.  No need to recap Jonas' bio.  As for Wednesday's other judge, for those who might only be familiar with Harris for his work on CBS' How I Met Your Mother--or for the older crowd, his adolescent turn as Doogie Howser, M.D.--he's also a Broadway star.  Harris' theatrical roles have included a concert performance of Sweeney Todd, as well as starring roles on Broadway in Proof, Cabaret, Assassins, RENT and others. TV audiences got to witness his singing chops when he hosted last year's Tony Awards.

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