First Church of Internet SEO: is it time?

Photo courtesy VisualForces.com

Second Life and other virtual realms are establishing places of worship. Is it time to create a legitimate, practicing Virtual Church? Can we? Should we?

I have a master's degree in Theology. My undergraduate degree is in Computer Science. I'm not bragging. This is relevant to the post.

I've spent the vast majority of my professional career leveraging the technical side of that education. Still, I've always maintained that it informs my career, but has little whatsoever to do with my vocation.

Once upon a time, a well-intentioned acquaintance suggested that I apply my technical skills into creating an online church, a virtual place for spiritual people to gather together and interact.

The idea was interesting. The World Wide Web was young. It was an exciting time and the Web was ripe for creative implementations.

I spent a few weeks thinking that this was very seriously a brilliant idea.

The fortunate epiphany came at last: the Church (even, *a* church) CAN NOT and MUST NOT ever be virtual.

This is not to say that a church cannot have an online presence. Actually, there are all sorts of reasons why a church should have a solid, well-constructed, professional-looking online presence. It's an ideal supplement in most cases.

But I'm going to list six reasons why there should be no such thing as an online church:

1. Virtual is not the same thing as spiritual.

   Somewhere along the line in the Middle Ages, a bunch of us got this idea that the spiritual realm is what you get into when you eliminate everything having to do with the body.

   If that's true, it must mean that the Internet is the BEST place for spiritual expression! Wow, we've gotten rid of all touch, all distraction, all defilement here! Brilliant!

   We make a grave error when we assume that "spiritual" means "intangible." Just because something is intangible doesn't mean that it's better, more spiritual, more god-like than the tangible.

   This heresy, by the way, is called dualism. And it's bad. Really bad. Look it up sometime.

2. Creation is spiritual.

   God created. That was a spiritual act. This stuff that we touch is endowed with a certain God-bestowed degree of holiness and dignity. We need to respect that, and promote it.

3. Stuff is important in church

   We go to church to do things. Some of us stand and clap and raise our arms up in the air. Could you do that at Virtual Church? Sure. Would anyone know it? Well, probably not unless you have a webcam hooked up. But then, you weren't doing it to be seen anyway, were you?

   But wait a second. That's the point. You were DOING it. Ah, if you want virtuality, stop trying to DO things with the physical! Cut it out!

   But when we go to church, we DO things. Some of us sacramentalists do ritual motions. We kiss things. We move around. We bow. We stand up. We sit down. We are part of the stuff that gets involved.

   We put on special clothes. We sit on furniture. We reach for books. We read the weekly bulletin. We shake hands and give hugs and sip coffee together afterwards.

   In the Tabernacle of the Old Testament, we see God calling talented artisans to construct the things of worship. This is not a job for amateurs. This is important, serious, and specific. God has expectations.

4. Church is sensual.

   Uh oh. Did I just say a dirty word that makes good Christians cringe? Mmmm...church is sensual.

   No, I am not talking about the hot chick two pews over from you. If you think I am, then you have issues that this article can't deal with.

   I'm talking about the fact that when we're at church, we use our senses. There are things to see, things to hear, things to touch, things to taste, and things to smell.

   Although some churches de-emphasize the last one, it's really hard to do any of the last three at Virtual Church.

5. Church is sacramental

   Let's put this all together. Obviously the church is sacramental! you say. It has to be. It's spiritual, and spirituality is sacramental!

   But what does sacramental mean. It means that God uses all this stuff, this created tangibility, to do things to us and with us. There are tools that change us, and, in every instance, we ARE the tools that are used in the lives of others.

   The Sacraments are spiritual BECAUSE they are tangible. And the tangible is transformed by God's grace BECAUSE it is spiritual.

   And you can't get that at Virtual Church.

6. The Church is not an idea

   The Church is a living organism. It grows and makes choices and mistakes. It learns and moves and gets sick and then (hopefully) gets healthy again. It does stuff.

   The internet is a great container for information. It's a package with data inside. It's an important repository for ideas (good and bad ones). But it's made up of bits and bytes flowing through optic and metal wires. You pull the plug and the lights go out.

   If you pull the plug at Virtual Church, the idea ceases to exist.

   There is no plug on the Church. There never has been.

I won't be so bold as to say that a church without a website is doomed. It's not that gloomy. It's probably better to have no online presence than a poorly-implemented one.

But on the flip side, I don't want this post to make my readers think I'm a Luddite. (Why would I be posting it on a blog if I was?) Every church should consider how it is leveraging modern tools to promote its message and activities. The internet is an opportunity.

But I will resist any attempts to create Virtual Church.

In fact, if you try to do it, I might just show up at the network facility on Sunday morning, dressed in a suit and tie, Thompson Chain-Reference under my right arm, fabricating some lame excuse like, "I couldn't make it to Virtual Church today because my ISP is down."

You know, just to spite you.

If that perturbs you, just email me the "kiss of peace" later.

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