How to make delicious wine coolers

When did Bartles & Jaymes become a “malt beverage”? It’s printed right on the label. There isn’t a drop of wine in those coolers. In college, we sucked those things down like Cokes, and now that we’re older and looking for a sophisticated summer drink, they don’t seem so appealing. 

I recently revisited the original flavor and found it to be sweet like a lemon-lime soda but harsher. It was crystal clear pale yellow, which, to me, means more fruit flavorings and less actual fruit. You should be able to see bits of orange or lime juice in a cooler.

No, we won’t “thank you for your support,” or however the old company slogan went. We’ll opt to make our own wine cooler, which includes actual wine.

I spent a weekend experimenting with different ingredients and combinations of fruits, juices and wines, and came up with a few winning recipes. Use as many fresh ingredients as possible and seek out wines without much wood aging and made in a drier style like riesling or sauvignon blanc. For red-colored coolers, use a rosé.

Go ahead and prepare your coolers in a Rubbermaid-style container, then transfer to a glass display pitcher before serving. Use white wine glasses with ice and garnish when it’s time to serve.

So when you’re sitting out on your patio this weekend by the pool, think of those two old guys from about 1985. And offer a toast with your fresh, flavorful wine cooler.

MARK’S HOMEMADE WINE COOLER
1 cup fresh pineapple, diced
1 orange diced, peel left on
1 lime diced, peel left on
1 cup orange juice
1 cup pineapple juice
1/4 cup lime juice
1/4 cup orange liqueur
1 bottle white wine
1 liter sparking water
Orange slices for garnish
Ice
Preparation: In a half-gallon pitcher, add diced fruits and juices. Add orange liqueur and muddle. Add wine and let steep and chill for four hours (overnight preferred). Top off pitcher with sparkling water before serving and lightly stir. Serve over ice in white wine glasses and garnish with an orange slice.

BLACK RASPBERRY WINE COOLER
3/4 cup raspberry liqueur such as Chambord
1 orange diced, peel left on
1 (6-ounce) package of fresh raspberries (about 3/4 cup)
1 cup orange juice
1 cup cranberry juice
1 bottle rosé wine
1 liter sparking water
Raspberries for garnish
Ice
Preparation: In a half-gallon pitcher, add orange dices and raspberry liqueur and muddle. Add raspberries and lightly muddle again to extract juice. Add orange and cranberry juices and wine and stir. Let steep and chill for four hours (overnight preferred). Top off pitcher with sparkling water before serving and lightly stir. Strain into display pitcher to remove seeds. Serve over ice in white wine glasses. Garnish with a whole raspberry.

STRAWBERRY-KIWI WINE COOLER
1 cup strawberries, cleaned and diced
3 whole kiwis, peeled and sliced into rounds
1 cup strawberry liqueur such as Crème de Fraise or schnapps
1 cup white grape juice
1 bottle rosé wine
1 liter sparking water
Strawberries and kiwi slices for garnish Ice
Preparation: In a half-gallon pitcher, add strawberries, kiwis and liqueur and lightly muddle. Add grape juice and wine and stir. Let steep and chill for four hours (overnight preferred). Top off pitcher with sparkling water before serving and lightly stir. Serve over ice in white wine glasses. Garnish with a whole strawberry and kiwi slice.