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I have always thought it amazing that both parties in a divorce usually feel they have been wronged – no matter who left whom. Like many injustices we experience, we want the world to know the divorce wasn’t our fault.
Unfortunately, there is no way to place legal blame in California and many other states. I remember how mad I was when I started filling out the paperwork to file for divorce. I kept looking for the box that said “Cheater” or “Adulterer,” but the only choices were “Irreconcilable Differences” or “Annulment.” I wanted to blame him, and there were no categories for that. I felt gypped.
At least in car accidents you have the choice of no-fault or you can cast 100 percent of the blame on the poor fool that rear-ended you. Not so in divorce, even though I sure felt like I had been rear-ended. It’s a little ironic. A total stranger can rear-end you by accident, and you can sue him for damages. Depending on the circumstances you can put him in the poor house, take his license away, and ruin his driving record if he is found at fault.
But your own spouse can ruin you financially, devastate you emotionally, and turn your world upside down, and you can’t even legally have the satisfaction of blaming him for causing you so much pain and anguish. You don’t get to legally say it was his fault or her fault. Instead you have to check the box that says “Irreconcilable Differences” (code words for: OUR FAULT)!
I hated this description because it made me feel like I was somehow responsible for the divorce, when he was the one who left. I was mad about that at first; why should I be blamed for something I didn’t do? I hadn’t learned yet how I had contributed to the divorce.
In the end, you find out it doesn’t help to try to blame the other party. You both suffer financially, emotionally, and in many other ways no matter who or what caused the divorce. What is needed is no-fault divorce insurance: something to protect you against the ensuing damages. But I’m here to tell you, you are your own best insurance plan.
Comments
Tomi,
You're right in that, most often, neither party in a divorce wants to be solely to blame for the failure of their marriage. And you're also right that in many states, through no fault of your own, you can be forced to defend yourself in a court of law at great cost, much like a liability lawsuit. According to a study done at Ohio State University, people who go through divorce lose an average of 77% of their net worth, regardless of gender. That said, there will soon be recourse for people in the form of insurance that not only provides a financial safety net for people whose marriages fail, but more importantly, one that rewards people whose marriages succeed. Check out www.safeguardguaranty.com for more information.
- John Logan
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