Dear Tiger Woods,
Hi there, this is Kim Hess your Divorce Guru. I realize in the past months I've been quite upset with you. I recommended to your pretty wife that she dump you. I've also made fun of your many, many, many, many, many, many mistresses.
But Tiger, as you know, since I'm a guru (of divorce) it is required that I have compassion and love for my fellow man. And that includes you Tiger. If you recall, I advocated Elin standing by her man, wished you a happy birthday and told Brit Hume of Fox News off for you!
My advice to you Tiger: no more apologies. Why are you apologizing to the world? Yes, before you say anything, I know your PR team made you do it, trying to salvage your good guy image, which will work, but come on! Did you and the world have a lavish ceremony proclaiming your love? Did you promise the world that no one else would get to use your nine-iron until death do you part? Did you and the world decide that monogamy was the way to go in your relationship?
No.
So why are you apologizing to the world? Tell Elin you are sorry, show her through your actions that you are going to be a better man, and get back to loving your family and friends and making millions by doing what you love. Promise Elin no more mistresses no matter how hot, or how much of a discount they can get you on your Grand Slam Breakfast.
A lot of people will be shocked, SHOCKED, that your Divorce Guru is making this declaration that you owe the world nothing. You don't. You just owe your wife and your marriage something. And whatever you two decide in the privacy of your own relationship is the way it's going to be.
Take care Tiger, and good luck with the sex rehab thing...with over 16 mistresses seems like you'll need it!
Apology accepted,
Kim Hess Divorce Guru
More musings from Kim Hess Divorce Guru:
"Does Tiger Woods cheating reflect all men?"
"I had an affair with Tiger Woods: Super Secret Private Divorce Blog"
Twitter Time! @kimhess
Comments