The jump from dating to a long term relationship

Photo courtesy of Current.com

This is a problem that I'm sure we've all experienced at one time or another.  In fact, a friend- knowing that I write the DC Singles Column for The Examiner- asked my advice the other day on this certain dating related topic.  "How does one know when things get serious in dating?  Is it generally assumed after x amount of dates"?  I considered her exceptionally great dating question and using past experience as example I immediately discovered the answer: each dating situation is unique and thus there is not one answer that fits all.  There are, however, some steps you can take to find out where exactly you stand in your relationship-to-be or not-to-be.

First, many people still have that junior school mentality of jumping into a relationship with a simple offer of "will you go out with me" without knowing much, if any, about the person they are now in a relationship.  Relationships are like flowers- you have to plant them first and then they will grow each day with hard work and care.  Relationships take effort- that's why I propose that everyone should begin with the dating phase first.  Go on a few dates and get to know one another before jumping into anything.  And guys, gals, if you are going to ask the person you are dating to begin a long term relationship with you, please make an effort to make it memorable.  Try taking your date to Medaterra, a Middle Eastern Restaurant with beautiful decor and a romantic ambiance- perfect for special events such as anniversaries, proposals, and yes, even asking someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend.

One of the worst mistakes you can make is assuming that you are automatically dating after a few weeks or months- believe me, I had to learn the hard way a few years ago after my 3 month tryst turned out to be nothing, much to my chagrin.  Don't assume you are in a long term relationship, even if it has been months.  If it hasn't been discussed yet, I think it's time for you to bring it to the table- it's better than constantly questioning yourself.

Communication.  You'll never get an answer unless you ask, right?  Seriously, it's better to ask- you'll both be relieved.  If he or she says yes, great- you can now work on keeping the relationship and letting it bloom.  Congrats, you now have your very own flower.  What happens if the answer is no, you ask?  We must look at it in a positive way.  First, if the answer is no, be sure to ask if a relationship would be considered in the future after more dates.  If it's possible, you need to decide if you're willing to wait around for him or her to decide.  If you were denied a relationship now or even in the future you can either a) stay in limbo and continue to "date" which by now suspiciously seems like it could be a physical only relationship, or b) you can hold your chin high, say your goodbyes, and get back in the dating game.  Treat yourself to a night out at Mr. Smith's, a hip piano bar in Georgetown that attracts a large crowd most nights of the week.  Forget about that guy or girl- you're young, why waste time on someone who isn't interested in you?