How to ask for forgiveness
- Be open and honest.
- Stick to the specific transgression.
- Recognize how you may have hurt your partner.
- Accept the negative consequences (guilt, remorse, pain, lack of trust).
- Resolve to refrain from the act for which you are seeking forgiveness.
- Select a replacement act for the unwanted act. For instance, if you wish to stop smoking, replace with chewing gum, candy or the Nicotine patch.
- Be patient with your partner.
- Check back on your progress in one day, week, month, quarter, and year.
- Celebrate success.
How to forgive
- Let go of the need to control a person, circumstance or behavior.
- What will be will be? Learn to accept life for what it is and others for what they are.
- Make an active choice to forgive and forget.
- Refrain from playing ‘pay back’ games or demanding endless retribution.
- Cleanse heart , (part two) and soul of bitterness, old hurts, disappointments and unmet expectations.
- Refocus efforts on self rather than others.
Conclusion
The act of forgiveness is no small feat. It can be the source of relationship survival or the cause of dissolution. In fact, Coop and Gordon in 1995 theorized that a serious transgression in a relationship, from an emotional standpoint is much like that of a trauma situation where the victim (1) tries to absorb the impact of the incident, (2) searches for meaning and asks, “Why me?” and (3) finally, moves forward with one’s life.
So the next time, we stand by the water cooler, catch up on the latest gossip during our weekly coffee klatches, or make assumptions about our friends or neighbors and their situation, we should stop and think. Life is a bitch. You never know what you’ll do in any situation until—well, you’re there.
Literary Resources
Noller, Patricia. “Understanding Marriage.” Cambridge University Press. 2002.
Comments
Please folks, these kids are nothing more than the modern equivalent of the Dionne Quintuplets: with every moment videotaped for the cameras and shown pretty 24/7 every where. The show went from being fairly sweet to this train wreck because the parents seem to be greedy. Did they really NEED a 1.1 MILLION mansion? $1,600/day bodyguard for the wife? Will these poor kids ever see a PENNY of the money their childhood's earned? Not to mention, if we're seeing the birth mother on every magazine and news show or out signing autographs, and the birth father is out drinking - who IS REALLY PARENTING THOSE KIDS? Paid help. Sad, sad, sad. ALL CHILDREN IN ENTERTAINMENT - whether scripted or not - need the SAME compensations across the board in all 50 states - as California enacted, along with a new version of "Coogan's Law" to protect their earnings. FREE THE GOSSELIN EIGHT!!!!
gotcha beejcctx. good point about the kids. might write a piece about parents/child labor etc but need to give it further thought. give me about 14 days, i'll see what i can do. promise. thanks for stoking the fires....visit again soon.
hi beejcctx- hope you're still around. posted an article or two just as i promisted. thx for the story idea.
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