Use the power of charm to captivate your date

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Dear Annie, I’ve just started dating after my 15-year marriage ended. I feel that this ritual has turned into a high-pressure matching machine, where women instantly evaluate my mate potential. They immediately ask about my career, where I live and my relationship history. They quiz me to see if we enjoy similar activities. It feels like I’m taking a pass-fail test. What happened to just getting to know someone and then figuring out where it’s going? Cal

Cal, In this world of speed-dating, pick-up artists and Internet dating, the concept of “taking it slowly” has gone out of fashion in favor of efficiency.

Women often tell me that they don’t want to waste time with the wrong person. Most men go for their goal: get her phone number, try to land a date or seduce her. Women tend to respond by hesitating and pondering the implications of whether to move forward, which often results in doubts that can derail potential relationships. In our speeded up society, dating often comes off as a “deal or no deal” proposition, rather than a slow, gentle dance of courtship.

Yet the focus on efficiently in finding love is an illusion. No existing checklist can accurately determine whether the person in front of you is “The One.” Instant chemistry is rarely an indicator of the beginning of a long-term relationship—more often it’s the onramp to the road to heartache. Being vulnerable and risking rejection is part of finding love.

The keys to opening someone’s heart are using humor, kindness and consideration while having fun together. If you are charming, patient and show your sense of warmth, others will be drawn to you. If you are sensitive to the other people’s nuances—body language, tone of voice and sense of timing, they are more likely to like you.

Slow your dates down by utilizing charm. Pursue a woman with purpose, make her aware of your intentions, and deflect the evaluation questions with humor. If she persists, thank her for asking. Give her a short, positive answer and change the subject.

If you utilize charm and humor on your dates, you will be better able to find the right woman in a natural way.

This Sunday, July 25, 3:00 - 5:00PM: Flirt with new friends at Sonoma's Jacuzzi Vinyards while celebrated dance coach Cynthia Glinka teaches you to to twirl and dip with a partner. In between dances, enjoy wine tasting in the naturally cool Jacuzzi Barrel Ballroom at the Taste and Twirl event.

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