Hi Annie! What do you think about author Lori Gottlieb’s theory that women should settle for "Mr. Almost-Right" instead of holding out for "the one?” I’m afraid that the moment that I commit to a "nice but not perfect guy," someone closer to my ideal will come along.
When and or if that happens, do I honor my commitment and wonder what might have been for the rest of my life, or do I dump the guy in search of true happiness with someone who is closer to what I really want? Eagerly awaiting your reply, Vickie
Hi Vickie, When we lived in small tribes, it was easy to choose a mate from the age-appropriate members of the group. But now that we have virtual access to almost every literate single man on the planet, it’s easy to believe we have an infinite number of partners, one of whom might be potentially perfect for you. With so many options, it seems that you just have to choose the right one and happiness will ensue.
In fact, the opposite happens. In his book, The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz talks about how having too many choices can lead to more dissatisfaction with the ones that you do make. After pondering alternatives, it seems like you’re settling if you can’t find perfection—even when your choice is the best one available.
Further complicating matters, when you are choosing a mate, you are making a decision based on who he is right now, not who he will be at as he moves through the rigors of life. During courtship, he is naturally on his best behavior due to the energy that love’s chemistry bestows on him. He’ll focus on what you like, work at discovering what makes you tick, and be more apt to engage in romantic gestures in order to secure your love.
The rush of interest that you feel as you’re getting to know him creates a chemical cocktail that affects the same part of the brain as cocaine. It’s easy to think that he’s perfect. He’ll seem more interesting, engaging and enchanting than at any other time.
To be continued… Click here to read more
This weekend:
Saturday: Flirt with attractive strangers at the Bay Area Boomers Grand Opening Dance
Sunday: Great date venue! Free Admission to the San Francisco’s Asian Art Museum
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