Annie, It is difficult for me to find a man who is intellectual and academic, with whom I can share ideas, and who—like me--is also a sex maniac and party animal. Instead, I tend to go for Mr. GoodEnough who is smart, but not so wild. After a while, I get bored, gain weight and become unhappy. Or, I’ll find Mr. WildPartyAnimal, with whom I have fun times and great sex, but then he ends up being an alcoholic, drug addict or just a loser in general.
Settling means giving up my hopes for a man who is completely right for me, and hedging my bets by taking Mr. RightNow. If I wait for Mr. Right, he might never appear. I feel like it’s a game of poker, and I have to know "when to hold ‘em’ and when to fold 'em.’ ”
If I must settle, which bleak scenario should I accept? I’m almost 48, and still waiting to find that hot professor who is a total sex animal and loves to discuss philosophical concepts over a glass of wine! Vickie
Vickie, As you get to know someone, your level of attraction will change. Even the most brilliant man’s innovative ideas and theories can seem mundane after repeated discussions. The wild man in bed can only give you infinite variety and extreme excitement until he has exhausted his repertoire and its variations. Sex after two years, satisfying though it may be, is only occasionally as exciting as it was during the first few months. Astrologer Ralfee Finn states it succinctly: “Lasting connections aren’t only about peak experiences.”
Novelty arouses love’s chemistry. Studies show that if you want to fan the flames of romance, embarking on an exotic, unpredictable activity is likely to yield sensual excitement. When you are initially involved, you focus on stimulating conversations or great sex. After six months to two years, you begin to see him as a whole person, who, at best, is about 80 percent compatible with you. How you are able to connect, communicate and compromise through those changes will ultimately govern your overall satisfaction with each other.
Coming next: I’ll answer Vickie’s question about “trading up.” Click here for Part 1.
PS Looking for great place to take a date? Friends raved about Bistro St. Germain’s great food and reasonable prices. Located in San Francisco’s Lower Haight.
Comments
what if he was the type who claims to be smarter than everybody else in the world around him but he can't hold a serious job for a living? how about these living apples? sometimes the best person to meet is right in their own backyard. believe it or not. not necessarily the guy described above.
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