Annie, I seem to be stuck in a dating pattern. I’ll start seeing a guy, who often does and says all of the right things. I’m cautious, yet as soon as I feel that the relationship is going somewhere, he’ll loose interest and I won’t see him again. This has happened three times in a row. I’m so confused. What am I doing wrong? Christina
Christina, Many women don’t understand that men usually approach dating from a different perspective than they do. Generally, a woman will evaluate a man’s romantic and long-term partnership potential as each encounter takes place, and her feelings will follow.
A typical guy is highly attracted to you when he first asks you out. He may want to be with you romantically, but isn’t thinking about you being his one-and-only-forever when the two of you begin dating. He’ll act from a place of passion until an incident occurs that causes him to ask himself “Where is this going? Is it what I want?” This can triggered by a variety of circumstances, such as meeting friends or family, too much intimacy, or even a significant anniversary or holiday. If he is happy with his connection with you, he will emerge more committed to moving forward. On the other hand, he may decide that he doesn’t want to take the relationship any further.
There is nothing that you can do to control his process. But you can take steps to protect yourself. Don’t always be available for him. Keep doing things with your friends and pursue other interests. Continue dating others until he commits to an exclusive relationship moving towards lifetime commitment. A warm, caring, sexy woman who is engaged in her own life is very attractive to a man.
Even if you can’t empathize with how the opposite sex thinks about dating, it’s important to accept that they come to it from a different perspective. Then you can adapt your behavior in order to break patterns that don’t work for you. Read more…
This weekend: Looking for a different place to meet men? Check out Saturday’s 8PM San Francisco Bay Bombers Roller Derby opening game. Go early, flirt with guys in line and enjoy the spectacle at Kezar Pavilion in Golden Gate Park.
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