In recent years, since dabbling in the dating game again, I've noticed an interesting trend in dating in San Antonio compared to other parts of the country. I've witnessed and have been victim to prejudices within dating. Sadly, the prejudice wasn't of one culture against another, but rather it was what I would consider inter-cultural prejudices concerning skin tone, and how beauty is depicted within a culture and within a geographical location.
To begin, I'll shed light on a few observations I've made on the dating world in San Antonio, TX. San Antonio, TX is a beautiful city rich in cultural activities and tourist attractions. There are many historic sights to see, many family-oriented places to go, and many locations that are good for people watching. Being a very observant person, I've noticed that San Antonio is also rich in intercultural relationships. There are black men with Hispanic women, Hispanic men with black women, Asian women with black men, white women with Hispanic and black men, and a cultural cornucopia of other races dating each other. It is a beautiful sight to see little or no racial and cultural divide in a city. It can also be very mind-boggling and causes one to wonder if the standard of beauty in the south is different to that of the north, west coast, east coast and around the world.
Although I'm at an age in which my clubbing days are scarce, it wasn't long ago when I was able to see how prejudices played a role in the attraction between a man and a woman. Men would flock to the girl who wasn't necessarily the prettiest, but was the fairest in complexion, before they would the girl with the darker skin. I can remember a time that I was in a club, I had just cut my hair extremely short, and I was getting looks and compliments from several men. Out of all of the attention I received, only one African American man complimented me on my beauty. I wondered if I was light-skinned with long, straight hair if more men in that club would have agreed that I was beautiful. Prejudice is evident not only in the dating world but in the music industry, the movie business, corporate America, and in everyday life. Here in the south, if you are a woman of darker complexion, you have to be extremely confident in yourself, because you may seldom get praise regarding your beauty, especially but sadly, not from other men within your race. As a dark-skinned woman in San Antonio you will get more recognition and appreciation for your beauty from a Hispanic, White or Asian man before you would a Black man. This subject is as uncomfortable as the sound of nails across a chalk board, but it is one that I must tackle in covering my observations in the dating world. It is also one in which my girlfriends and I discuss very frequently.
San Antonio is not the only place where this is noticeable, as this is a common trend in the south. Being that I've lived in the south for 20 years of my life, I have more experience in talking about this area of the country in race relations as opposed to the north, west or east coasts. I would dare to believe that there is a similar ignorance that is shared among men in other parts of the country. Maybe not as much in the north and west, but in general I believe that most men's perception of beauty would be similar across the country. A friend of mine said that being a dark skinned African American woman, she would seldom be approached in clubs by black men, but her friend of a lighter complexion would be surrounded by them. She also said that if a Black man notices a white, Asian, mixed-race, light-skinned or Hispanic woman, he would approach them before he would her. Many men she'd encountered would date a light-skinned woman who was out of shape over a dark-skinned woman who was slim. A co-worker of mine who is a dark-skinned and extremely beautiful woman, was recently told by her boyfriend that if he ever had the opportunity to date a light-skinned woman with long curly hair, he would leave her because that is his ideal image of beauty. Is this a subconscious ideal of beauty that has been ingrained in the minds of black men? Are the minds of black men the only minds that are enslaved? I soon found out that it is a common denominator in many men. I also heard from some Hispanic, Asian and Indian girls who have darker complexions in their race, that they shared similar experiences. Within the Hispanic, Asian and Indian cultures, the ones with the lightest skin tones are considered more beautiful. I find it amusing that when I look at the Miss Universe pageant on television, some of the most beautiful women in the world are of darker complexions. However within a woman's own race, if she doesn't possess the twisted ideal of beauty, in having long hair, light colored eyes and light skin, she is considered less beautiful compared to those women who do.
San Antonio is not to blame, the south is not the blame, nor are men to blame. There are many women who have the same twisted ideals about what a handsome man should look like. However I will say that color prejudice is more common within men that within women. Women look more for security, strength, compassion and congruency while men look first at the physical, then they may consider personality and congruency as well. Somewhere in time, somewhere within images we constantly are bombarded with in media, somewhere within our individual cultures, we were left to believe that dark isn't beautiful. We were made to believe that beauty has to be bottled, stifled, categorized and boxed into a small space in our small minds. For the women with shorter hair, darker skin, darker eyes and a beauty that goes unrecognized, know that you are just as beautiful as any woman with light skin and eyes and long hair. If a man cannot see your beauty, and love you for the beauty that you possess, he is small-minded, uneducated, uncultured, and is not worth your time. We all have our preferences. Interracial dating is a beautiful thing when it is a result of true love, but not a result of misconceptions of beauty. Preference and prejudice are completely different. You don't have to be someone's preference, but when that someone uses the excuse of you being inferior because of who you are, that is called prejudice. Michelle Obama is a perfect example of a dark-skinned woman who is phenomenally beautiful. Every woman can agree that she didn't do too bad landing the President. On that note, the confidence within us in our individual beauty as women will land the person we are to be with, and for the men who refuse to be enlightened, they can keep the light ones!
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