Surviving the fights

It doesn't have to be this traumatic.

There comes a time in most relationships where an argument will arise. Fighting with the person you love can feel devastating. They're supposed to be the person that gets you and often you can feel like the relationship has failed because you are fighting. Arguing is a natural part of the process, but it can hurt and it can be difficult to think rationally while you're doing it. Here are a few tips you can use to try and remain level-headed in the heat of the moment.

Take a Step Back

This is the most difficult thing to do, but it's also the best tip I have to offer. You need to step away from the argument and give yourself (and your partner) time to think about the fight. People tend to say things that they wouldn't say otherwise when they're angry, and this can have horrible consequences. By physically removing yourself from the situation temporarily, you can gain a lot of clarity. I suggest taking a walk or a shower. This will give you some alone time to regain your footing and figure how to best approach the argument. Try and figure out if the argument is even worth having. If your fight is about something small, kiss and make up. If you don't think you can move on without resolution, calmly go back and address your major points.

Don't Sling Insults

As angry as you might be with your mate, one of the worst things you can do is insult them. The insults usually have nothing to do with the fight at hand, they can really hurt the other person, and you will probably regret saying them later. Besides which, using insults to argue makes you sound like a little kid and that will impact how seriously your significant other will take the comments that you mean.

Likewise, yelling won't do you much good either. Again, it's childish and getting your point across is less effective when it's basically unintelligible and there's spit flying out of your mouth.

Accept Responsibility

In most arguments there is no one person at fault, so figure out where you are to blame and own up to it. Maybe you didn't communicate your expectations clearly enough or perhaps you misunderstood where the other person had been coming from. The sooner you fess up the sooner things can be resolved. Not to mention that once you admit your faults, your partner will be less hesitant to admit their own faults.

Expect to Compromise

There's really no way around this. This is difficult for a lot of people, but if you value the relationship you will eventually have to compromise. Relationships are comprised of two people working hard to maintain said relationship. Think about how you'd feel if you were partnered in a project at school and your partner dumped all of the work on you. You would both get the grade, but you've done all the work. You probably wouldn't be satisfied with that pairing. Translate this into your relationship and you'll see what I mean. You don't want to throw all the blame on your partner. They will end up resenting you and your relationship. Instead, come to a mutual understanding where you can both be happy with the work being done for the relationship.

So the next time you are faced with an argument, take a deep breath and remember some of the points I've mentioned here. If you have any other suggestions on how to survive a fight with your partner, please comment here. As always, if you have a question you want me to answer, email me at katieonthecape@gmail.com.