Cycling Teams: Peanut butter to brothels, bike parts to search engines, just show me the money

The press release was as well crafted as any press release that had as much chance of being deleted as it had being used. It touted sponsors and past accomplishments and was replete with adjectives.

It had everything team owners like and everything the media dislikes.

And with all due respect, it also won a dubious dual honor in cycling — the longest team name in cycling that will get used the least.

The press release announced Team Hotel San José is now “Team Hotel San José/Mellow Johnny’s Presented by Subaru-Gary Fisher.”

The National Cycling Examiner longs for the days of one word team names. Polti and Z (Greg LeMond;s squad) and Kelme were favorites, with the latter offering great rhyming potential for headline writers. It's taken a few years, but we're finally getting used to saying Euskaltel-Euskadi, the name of the Basque team in its bright orange kit.

Bob Stapleton is arguably the most astute businessman in cycling. But how does anyone keep track of his business dealing and teams names, Team High Road to Columbia-HTC to HTC-Columbia. I expect since the team has had three different names in the three editions of the Tour de France, it will have a fourth new name prior to this July's race.

Last year, Team OUCH entered the mix, the former squad of Floyd Landis, among others, whose jerseys carried the badge of the clinic that repaired Landis' mangled hip. The team's name may have been the best in cycling history for clever copywriters — until this season.

New squads include the Yahoo Cycling Team and the Peanut Butter & Co. TWENTY12 women's squad. Last year, the Waste Management team arrived on the scene.

It won't matter if these teams do well or not. I can't wait for the season to unfold just to read the witty headlines.

By any name, sponsors bring money to cycling at a time when many pro riders just don't have contracts. I get that.

But every time I see an awkwardly configured team name, I think of what is likely the best and worst sponsorship in cycling history — Team Diana. It was the name of a former top amateur squad in Holland, and it was sponsored by a brothel.

So here's to you “Team Hotel San José/Mellow Johnny’s Presented by Subaru-Gary Fisher.”

The National Examiner has mentioned the team name twice, and I figure that's more than than my share to promote your sponsors.

I prefer a more direct approach. My team of one is also open to sponsorships. The preferred name for the squad: Team Money.