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Photo: Summit Entertainment
Alrighty so… I promised this by the end of last week. Yep. I suck. I have an excuse; I was stuck in the mountains. No lie. A camping trip turned into disaster… gotta love Colorado… and it’s freaking crazy summer hail/tornadoes out of nowhere. Nothing like finding your panties in a tree. In front of family members. Kinda makes watching “Twilight” and trying to be amusing the last thing you want to do.
So! Ready to hear me b%tch and moan for far too long? Hopefully you agree with my nit-picking, otherwise feel free to b%tch and moan at me! I’m a big girl, I can take it. Hehe.
If you’re a fan of Stephenie’s other novel “The Host”, be sure to vote as we are casting (our version of) the movie right now!
Number #8 Suckiest – Deviating from the story in the book
As someone who has attempted (har har) to write screenplays herself, I understand that they have to be action, action, action and not so much with the ooey-gooey lovey-dovey talking. However… this is “Twilight”, so who went into that theater expecting “Die Hard”? All jokes aside, there is no reason to deviate so much from the book. Outline the plot of the book; take out all of the important, famous, beloved scenes. Do the same thing for the dialogue. The fact that Bella and Edward’s meadow was just a flicker on the screen (faster than Kristen Stewart’s blinking) was a huge mistake, not only because it is so important in New Moon but also because it is beloved to its fans.
The fact that the blood-typing scene was removed and replaced with that – what the frick?! – field trip that focused too much on Eric, Jessica and the teacher is beyond infuriating. Where was Mike helping Bella to the nurse? Where was Edward sweeping in with that concerned look on his face? I was really (probably more than I should) looking forward to seeing him steal her out of Mike’s weak-by-comparison arms and carrying her off to the nurse like a white knight. And that sexy line of his instructing her not to look at the fellow patient? Ah, you kill me, Summit! Catherine! Melissa! Whomever I should blame! You suck!
How about this odd diner where Bella and Charlie go to eat all the time? Hello, she cooks for him in the book; it’s a big bonding thing between them, she takes care of her old man. Just like she’s used to doing with her mother; which is key to why her character is so much more mature than the other ditzy high school gals. Not to mention there’s a whole lot of dialogue and important action that happens in their damn kitchen. (“Charlie’s at the funeral.” College applications. Awkward three-way dinners. Come on!) Why are we in this freaking restaurant? With this no-name waitress that is getting way more screen time than she should! With these nosy freaking fellow diners who wanna know about this police investigation that – oh that’s right – never even took place to begin with! Argh!
And of course, one who is being critical can not pass by the scene with Emo-Edward dressed like a My Chemical Romance wannabe, picking up a limp, bored-looking Bella and sucking her neck, then looking up at the camera through his guyliner and bangs. Listen closely, Summit. Edward does not equal Pete Wentz. Ugh. If this is the best that Bella can fantasize, well damn, get the girl some Harlequin romance novels. (Or hand her this book, ha ha.) The bottom line is, with so much good material, what are you doing putting this garbage in the “Twilight” movie? It’s a famous best-seller for a reason. What makes you think you can do better? And if so, why haven’t you already?
Number #8 Greatest – Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black.
While I am biased now because I have seen him shirtless - (er, I mean) - I have seen him filming “New Moon” where he actually has a character to play, I am really glad to have Taylor Lautner on board. He’s perfectly cast because he is just as Stephenie Meyer described Jacob Black. Cute, sweet little smile, but still he has a mischievous, bite-your-lip kind of look, with that wildness thundering through his bloodstream. He looks like the younger neighbor who seems harmless and sweet, but suddenly you find you have a crush on him. Until the tame boy grows into a big sexy wolf man and saves your life, ya know. That happens to all of us.
I think the most important thing here is acknowledging that Taylor is able to play both sides of Jacob Black. He was young enough to play him in the beginning, but also worked his rear off to get in shape and play him convincingly in the next film when he springs up like a weed. A muscular, toned, ripped weed. Ahem – anyways! He understands the dichotomy and captures it well. Thank goodness for you, Taylor Lautner!
Number #7 Suckiest – The ballet studio scene
Oh, the moment a year ago when we should have known we were doomed. This clip gets shown on MTV and everyone screams their heads off… until they finish processing what they’ve seen. What – wait a minute there.
First, I loved the intensity. This is supposed to be a terrifying moment, and they… well, they tried. The unbelievable fast-moving vampire garbage takes it toll on this scene, weighing it down like a fat girl on a raft. As does the poorly-choreographed fighting and horrible effects. Did I just see Edward “hi-ya!” kick James into a mirror? Um… alrighty then. Guess Edward hung out with Jackie Chan off-screen at some point. Moving on.
Look, they got most of it right. However, when Emmett, Jasper and Alice take care of James… it looks appallingly fake. Alice ripping his head off was awesome, until your brain processes the image and chokes. That’s not a pleasant feeling, to gag inside your skull.
But the part that wounded me the most involved Edward, Carlisle and a flailing Bella. Carlisle instructs Edward to suck out the venom; Edward worries that he won’t be able to stop. Then, hoping not to kill the woman he loves, he begins. Only, for some reason, the tone is changed from tense to… (sleepy?) with the ballad coming into the background (which, I like the song, but I don’t think it fits the scene… at all.) Edward loses his friking mind and can’t stop sucking Bella’s blood. As insulting as this is to fans of the book, Carlisle then proceeds to scold him and warn him that he’s killing her. No! While this clearly illustrates the danger in their relationship, it doesn’t do anything to add to the romantic tension of their love story. (At this point in the film that ship had sailed.) Instead, it makes Edward look like some weird psychopath and Bella’s eyes to go crossed. I concede, it never explicitly states whether or not Edward had trouble stopping at that part in the book, but… it certainly never left me with the impression that he was seconds from killing her (or that for a moment in his brain, he actually wanted to). If that was the case, wouldn’t Carlisle give him a swift palm to the forehead and wake his dumb@$$ up? There’s no way he would have knelt next to him and watched him kill her, after knowing how much she means to him. Boo.
Number #7 Greatest – The Cullen’s baseball scene
Frankly, I go back and forth on these two. They could easily be reversed. But, the terrible special effects aside, (and that guitar riff, oh dear lord, what is that? This ain’t the Power Rangers movie!), the chemistry between the group really comes to life here. They actually look like a family, rather than a group of actors shoved together in front of a camera. Add that to the sounds of Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole” playing in the background? At first, I’ll admit, I was disappointed they chose this Muse song over all the others… I had wanted some dramatic, romantic, apocalyptic (had to round out the –ic words) song for the movie… but I agree that this song fits just so perfectly here.
Now for the moments to oogle over. Edward putting the cap on Bella, oh so cute and very Edward, the whole taking-care-of-her thing. Pretty waterfall, nice touch. They really didn’t neglect the natural scenery in this film at all. I grinned when I saw Rosalie and Emmett teasing each other, and I grinned even wider at Esme’s line, “Oh, I know you cheat.” Rosalie being a grump, check. Ah, and I love Jasper toying with the bat right before he steps up to the plate, yes! Alice’s dainty little kick as she pitches the ball, and the sort of gross comment from Rosalie about her monkey man… that fits so well into what we know of her tendency to over-share about their (hers and Emmet’s) sex life. And I can’t begin to tell you how thrilled I was to see Bella’s hair in the wind, that being the thing that sets James off. But all of that afterglow came to a screeching halt as I saw our beloved Cullen’s hunch over like bad caricatures of The Lion King. C’mon Catherine. High school drama clubs do better than this. (I should know as I suffered through one for four years!)
Hang on. Anybody, EVER, catch that line that Bella says after Edward gets in the car? “What now-we-ah-eee-coming after me?” What does she say there, please someone help me.
So that's the number eight and number seven! I'm finishing the rest as fast as my fingers can type, and will have them up ASAP. Hopefully by the end of today. Thank you so much for reading! Hope it's been enjoyable.
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Number 10: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d8-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Number 9: www.examiner.com/examiner/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d15-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--9
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Numbers 6,5,4,3,2,1: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m7d1-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--654321
Comments
lol OMG I totally agree with you... what a waste of a great book!! Don't get me wrong i loved the movie but they could've done sooo much better...
i think sh says "what now? what is coming after me?" i think but i dont know.... i didnt know what she said at first but then i had the thingy on the bottom of the sceen where it says what the actor says... but yeah i totaly agree with you.... they SOOOOOOOO should of put the medow scene in the movie cause thats where edward shows her what he looks like in the sun! hello! not some random ray of light! the baseball scene was amazing (stunts and special effects put aside... and the CGI baseballs...) one thing that in my opinion they should of put in the movie is when edward has to run half way and he gets bella out of the jeep and traps her against the jeep! where he "tampers with her memory" and and he says something like "youll be the death of me balla! i swear you will" and then after they run and bella falls... that is one of my favorite parts of the book.... Taylor Lautner does an AMAZING jod as Jacob Black he is a very good choicce... the ballet studio was im sorry but HORRIBLE!
it really was.... compared to the book it was nothing.... the intensity was good... the effects and flying... i dont think so... and the last thingi was disipointed in was that edward didnt say "I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing but i's still true." or just saying he loves her in general.... but anyway i know i wrote alot but thats just how i am... anyways... they better make new moon good and make up for the ending cause its defeating the entire purpose of the book but whatever... <<love*the*twilight*series>> <<*TEAM JACOB*>>
I have to say, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the books, and I'm going to say I love the movie, simply because it's Twilight. But really that's all it has going for it. I didn't like most of the casting (except for Jacob teehee), and I'm so insanely angry that they didn't follow the book. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't James and his coven kill Harry Clearwater in his fishing boat ... when he is supposed to die of a heart attack later, and now they're bringing him back for New Moon????? How does that work people? I understand changing certain things to make the movie work, I do. But why change the whole f'n plot?? High hopes for New Moon and a new director.
anyone catch that, at the end, edward says, 'i'm not going to end your life for you', but his mouth says, 'i'm not going to bite your neck for you'? and the fact that he gives emmett the finger at the baseball game...LUV IT! but SO not an 'edward' thing to do! i just LUV robert EVERY hand movement! he has SUCH BEE-YU-TEE-FUL hands!
I have to say, you are spot on with every line written here. I could not have said it better myself. Now off to watch the movie again for the 10th time!!
i totally agree with your choices here! they really screwed up taking out the blood typing scene, and isn't that also when edward goes to get her truck from home, and him and alice "somehow" found her key in her jeans in the bottom of her laundry basket? correct me if i'm wrong, but that seems more important than some stupid field trip!
i really hope that everything that's being said about new moon is true, how it's as close to the book as you can get. i still think they need to keep the proposal in the movie, that's an integral part to eclipse. the whole 3rd book is based on that and bella making fun of the whole thing, and finally making up her mind. VERY IMPORTANT!
megan - i love your twilight articles, keep 'em coming! you're such a great writer! thanks!
I love the books. Love the movie, but, U had good points. I'd like it if the Port Angeles chapter was done by the book, the ride home got a lot out there, and before the baseball scene, I wanted to see Edward kiss Bella and her pass out. More bedroom scenes. like all your points.
I agree I didn't like how they cut the whole Port Angeles scenes. Did anyone notice how Edward has armpit sweat marks in the cafeteria? Didn't think they could sweat.
I have no idea what Bella says in the jeep that is a bit of a mystery, however, I have one that drives me nuttier than that one. After Rosalie bats during the game, does Carlisle say, "Good job, Kitty."? That's certainly what it sounds like to me, and for the life of me I can't imagine why he would say that -- thoughts? Is that really what he says? Bizarre.
My hunch is they'll all do a better job for New Moon and the subsequent flicks.
I also really enjoy your twilight articles Megan, this countdown has been GREAT! Keep them coming! Something that I've never understood is why they changed so much from the book to the movie. I loved them both, but with all the special effects & cgi available, it seems to me unnecessary to change all of the things that have been mentioned here. The other one I would add is the hotel scenes when Alice & Jasper watch/take care of/protect Bella. I mean, I know the majority of the book is about Bella & Edward, but it's also about Bella's relationship with the whole Cullen family. I felt leaving this out, left out a very bonding & trusting experience bewteen the 3 of them. I also am thrilled that they found such a great actor in Taylor Lautner. I did not pick up on this at first, but could not agree more when you brought up the point about him getting and being able to portray the dichotomy of Jacob Black.
I think Carlisle says, "Nice kitty" to Rosalie because she is giving nasty looks to Bella after Bella calls her out (instead of safe), no?
And I think Bella's line after Edward gets her in the car is, "What, so now he's coming after me?"
U R SOOO RITE ON ALL ACCOUNTS!! WHERE AN I FIND THE REST OF THE LIST? THIS WAS 2 FUNNY & 2 TRUE!!
This is so much fun to read. Let it all out, Megan. As for what Kristen Stewart said in the jeep, I think it needs to be said that there is a slight stuttering issue - need I mention the hospital scene. But my husband reassured me that Chris Weitz, having directed About A Boy starring Hugh Grant, has experience directing actors with a stuttering crutch. :)
Hey Megan, I totally agree with everything you have written. Funny stuff and too true. Its amazing how many different ways someone can ruin a good book. Fingers crossed for an excellent New Moon :)
Jackie.. they dont kill harry clearwater..they kill a guy named waylond.. idk random..and they so should not have taken out the blood typing scene... i also got a kick out of why carlilse says "nice kitty" and "come home kitty" when he is talking to Rosalie... i love these articles.. keep them coming!
i agree i so loved the books and i did enjoy the movie but they left so much out and added stuff you didn't need like the whole meadow scene in the movie sucked where was all the great dialogue...and the first night in her room with Edward telling her about his jealous feelings...and OMG if Victoria was at the dance Edward would have smelled her as soon as he walked into the door hello...anyway i have high hopes for new moon
hahaha, girl i just read this whole thing and i am laughing so hard right now. but its sooo true how they just modified Twilight like that! i mean, after i saw the movie i had to go back & read the book and i was like "huh!?"..you touched all the key points though
You are so rigth on everything!!!
And she saids: Now what? he's comming after me?
This is my favorite part!!! "weighing it down like a fat girl on a raft. As does the poorly-choreographed fighting and horrible effects. Did I just see Edward “hi-ya!” kick James into a mirror? Um… alrighty then. Guess Edward hung out with Jackie Chan off-screen at some point. Moving on."
i liked the guitar riff during the baseball scene..and it's COMPLETLY different from power rangers (i only know about them because of my 7-year-old bro)
i only liked the part of the ballet studio when alice rips james' head off. i agree with u about the venom-sucking part.
i kinda liked the baseball scene, i agree with most of your opinion. i just didn't like when alice had to raise her leg every time before pitching the ball. she's supposed to be DAINTY!! and they should have also put in a dialogue 4 laurent like, "but she's human! why can't we?" like in the book and THEN show him calming his clan...it all makes sense for new moon!
anyway, ur AWESOME at it!!
Wow ur so right about alot of things, I agree 100 percent about that crazy,jubbled line.
I love the baseball scene, don't get me wrong (especially that face Jasper makes when he hits the ball lol) But I'd like to add a gripe about the scene that has been irking me for a while.
The Cullens play baseball on a normal sized field?? What the HALE??
Did not they establish that vampires have super speed? If Rosalie had enough strength to hit the ball way out of the park, and Edward was fast enough to go after it, don't you think that Rosalie could've rounded the bases before Edward even got to the ball; since the bases were so close to each other?
It didn't make any sense!!! The distance between each of the bases were supposed to be football field sized!
i agree with EVERYTHING you said!!!! Taylor Lautner is PERFECT for the role of Jacob, Catherine should have added the biology lab scene, and should have stuck to the car scene as "when Bella finds out Edward's a vampire"!!!
Edward's face when he's sucking out the poison kills the already "dead" moment, and many of the effects were overacted (the Cullens protecting Bella, etc.)
I was really counting on Chris Weitz to do a better job and so far it looks like he most definetly is doing that!!!!!!!
i agree but the ballet scene was pretty awsome and i have read the books its not execlly the same but still it was one of the good secens in the movie...
Yes i agree with you on #7 greatest! I can't figure out what she says. Is she saying "What now he's coming after me" or something? lolz
i agree with all that, very good choices and excellent points. also when you said you loved it when rosalie and emmet were teasing each other (i suppose your meaning with the baseball bat) it's actually rosalie and Carlisle.
you giys are the best your shows are the best you are cool and every body thinks so to probly to well rock on be cool do your best
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