We think you're near Los Angeles

Currently in Los Angeles

Location: Los Angeles Current temperature: 45°F: Current condition: Clear See Extended Forecast

The secret to a friendly divorce


Prevent your divorce from becoming more stormy

Of all the words that come to mind when thinking of divorce, efficiency doesn't fall high on the list.

But taking an alternative approach to divorce and avoiding the traditional court process can be faster and easier.

All it takes is the buddy system. This is where the two of you join forces to prevent your divorce from becoming more stormy or costly than you want it to be. It means using the friendly approach.

Sure, being friendly with the person you're divorcing seems a little absurd. But it is actually a very practical means to an end.

The buddy system is in line with two popular methods that are used to process divorces: mediation and collaborative law. These two models use professionals to help people put their best foot forward so they can reach a sensible and fair solution without a court battle.

However, the professionals aren't available 24 hours a day. The buddy system enables the couple to communicate with one another just as if they were still in an actual mediation or collaborative session.

Two reasonable people can work with each other if they follow some relatively simple behavioral guidelines. All it takes is an open mind and a willingness to treat the other party’s concerns with respect and understanding.

It means being nice to your partner.

Divorcing spouses can beat the system by keeping three rules in mind. First, act nicely toward your spouse no matter what. Act nicely even if they don’t deserve it. Act nicely even if it kills you.

It won’t kill you. Instead, it will work to your advantage. Being sensitive to your soon-to-be ex and to his or her settlement position cannot hurt you. If it does, I’ll refund your misery.

As the old saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. No one has ever won an argument by arguing.

Listen to what your partner has to say, hear it, and respond carefully and tactfully. This is how salespeople make sales. Asking your spouse to give you something that they do not want to give you is no different than trying to make a sale.

This may seem difficult, but it is a lot easier than going to battle, barraging and being barraged in return, and then realizing that divorce wars do not pay, you do.

If you're caught in a nasty divorce, Review the Divorce Buddy System, it could  become your best friend by teaching you how to proceed with a practical, friendly and cost-saving approach that really works.

Advertisement

By

Chicago Cooperative Divorce Law Examiner

J. Richard Kulerski is a veteran Chicago divorce lawyer with over four decades of courtroom experience. He is a Harvard-trained mediator and...

Don't miss...