So you’re getting a divorce and after all you’ve gone through emotionally to reach this decision, you’re probably looking at the divorce court door as the entrance to moving on.
To many divorcees, that courtroom door symbolizes stepping into an environment that will resolve their problems, a place they can air their grievances and proclaim why they deserve what they deserve.
But ask anyone who has gone through the process and they’ll tell you it’s the opposite of a rewarding experience. It adds time and subtracts money.
You’re probably feeling hurt, angry and frustrated. Likely, you’re looking forward to tell the judge what all you’ve been through and why you deserve what you want.
But courtrooms operate with just the facts.
What you’re looking for as your time to vent how you’ve been done wrong will actually consist of you answering only questions that are legally relevant for the case – this does not cover instances of injustice, dishonesty, betrayal, adultery, lies, pain, unfairness, etc.
Neither party will come ahead in a divorce. The legal system cannot give people more than they have when they go into it. Conversely, regardless of what a person has when entering into the legal system, that person will leave with less.
Lawyer fees don’t even factor into that equation.
Divorce cases can go on for years and cost thousands and thousands of dollars. Often, all of this time, money and frustration leads a couple full circle to accepting the original settlement.
The courthouse door isn’t a savior for many divorcing couples. Instead, it can cause an additional burden, particularly for those who just want to reach a fair settlement and move on with their lives.
But don’t let that frighten you. There are alternatives -- non-confrontational, non-adversarial paths to faster, more affordable resolutions.
The cooperative approach to divorce helps divorcing couples create a sense of safety rather than fear, increase chances of an early settlement, insulate children from the dispute, return control of the divorce to the spouses and lessen healing time by not adding extra pain atop the existing wounds.
J. Richard Kulerski is a veteran lawyer, author, and partner in the Oak Brook, IL (Chicago) divorce law firm of Kulerski and Cornelison (630-928-0600). Both Richard and his partner, Kari Cornelison, are trained divorce mediators, collaborative divorce law practitioners, and staunch advocates of the non-court, cooperative approach to divorce law. www.civilizeddivorce.com
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