Joining forces with your soon-to-be ex spouse during your divorce can seem unfathomable.
After all, you are the one that is feeling slighted. You are the victim and you deserve an apology.
Why should you have to sit down with the person that started the problem and grovel for a settlement that you deserve? You shouldn’t. You have justice on your side and you want to go to court and tell the judge all about it. Sorry, but it doesn’t work this way.
We want the judge to know about our pain, sadness, and fears. However, the court does not have the luxury of considering feelings. The judge’s decision regarding who-should-get-what is limited to the items that are allowed into evidence. And, feelings are not evidence.
In mediation, collaborative law, and in cooperative divorce law, the parties get a chance to vent their feelings and concerns constructively. The mediator or collaborative attorneys direct the parties’ interchange in such a way that shows respect to the other’s view.
If you wish to settle you divorce out of court, your best bet is treat your spouse nicely and be willing to hear what they think is fair.
Too often being nice is confused with being a pushover or being naïve. During divorce settlement conversations between reasonable people, being nice is the best thing you can do protect your family, your dignity, your sanity, and your pocketbook.
The biggest part of acting nicely is to avoid aggravating your spouse. The rest involves listening and hearing every word your spouse says and showing interest in why they feel as they do. All disputing parties want to establish that they are correct and that the other person is wrong. You it owe to yourself to weigh your options and consider the cost of trying to prove your point.
Acting nicely seems hard, but it is a terrific investment.
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