YOU DON’T HAVE TO SLUG IT OUT IN COURT
Getting someone to cooperate with you becomes easier once you establish that you will be cooperative in return. If you want your soon-to-be ex to cooperate with you in keeping your divorce civil and affordable, you must transmit that you are willing to do your part.
The best way of getting this across is to listen carefully to your partner’s settlement concerns. Then, instead of firing back and telling them why they are wrong, agree to keep an open mind. Never confront or argue in the early go-rounds, just listen and try to understand.
Once you establish that you are making a sincere attempt to comprehend their side of the story, you raise the odds that they will do the same for you. You don’t have to agree with any of your spouse’s wants, you only have to convey to your partner that you understand and will address their point of view and concerns.
If you show understanding and compassion for their point of view, they may reciprocate. If you disrespect it, they will never reciprocate, and it’s off to war you go.
This is when push comes to shove. This is when you get your best chance to control the fury and cost of your divorce. Take the initiative to start things moving in the right direction.
One of you must make the first move and you cannot rely on your partner to do it. As difficult as this is, going to battle is always more difficult.
If you are like most people (including me), you will see yourself, and not your partner, as the one who should get the understanding and respect.
Unfortunately, your partner invariably believes that the opposite is true. Every person in every dispute thinks that he or she is the victim.
This is your opportunity to help yourself. If you fail to seize it, you become part of the problem. The divorce legal system is painful, lengthy, and costly. You cannot complain about it later if you refuse to do what you can to avoid it.
All you have to do to earn the right to say that you did what you could, is treat your spouse as you would like him or her to treat you. Lay off the insults, the name-calling, the blaming, the finger pointing, and any other incendiary behavior.
You don’t win arguments by arguing; you do it by listening. If you should argue with your spouse during the divorce and win, you have already lost.
When the last of the precincts report, you will see the extent of your loss.
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