The Bible -- key to salvation and inspiration for video games
There are a lot of misconceptions about the Bible, namely that it's a compilation of stories about people forgiving one another, being charitable and loving one another -- pretty much the antithesis of the values that this generation values if MTV cable programming is any indication. True, the Bible is used as a holy text by Christians, but interspersed between the lessons of moral righteousness are the exploits of some of the most badass, evil and conniving men and women to ever walk their planet.
Their legacies have resonated throughout history and have found a new home in video game characters. Now, you might think that the Bible would be the last thing to inspire an industry that largely revolves around shooting people in the face and tea-bagging one another Halo, but you would be wrong. Here's five examples why.
SPOILER ALERT. THIS ARTICLE REVEALS THE PLOT AND ENDING OF SEVERAL VIDEO GAMES. AND THE BIBLE.
5. Link (The Legends of Zelda: Ocarina of Time) and King David
The persistent protagonist in the Legends of Zelda series and the second ruler of the ancient Kingdom of Israel have an uncanny number of similarities. They both have humble upbringings (Link is commonly depicted as an apprentice or serf while David was a shepherd), both have an affinity for swords and slings and they also share a love for musical instruments. Link enjoys messing up Hyrule's lunar cycle and causing torrential rains with his ocarina, while David was a lyricist and harp player. Whether he was any good is debatable since one of his recorded performances ended with King Saul trying to murder him.
Additionally, both men faced an overwhelming adversity for a woman. Now, before you start thinking that Link and King David are humongous sissies because they play musical instruments and do stuff for girls, keep in mind they're also responsible for a staggering body count that would put most genocidal dictators to shame.
Link stomps through dungeons, kills monsters and then stabs Ganon in the freaking mouth in order to rescue Princess Zelda. David's task wasn't any easier. After decapitating Goliath (a rabid giant who all the other millions of men in Israel were too afraid to look at let alone fight) easier than the cake-deprived French guillotined Marie Antoinette, he then proceeded to collect the foreskins of 200 Philistines in order to marry Saul's daughter, Michal. In other words, he held down 200 pissed off Philistine warriors and cut their balls off, presumably singlehanded.
Granted, Link hasn't murdered anyone in order to commit adultery like King David. Yet. That's what sequels are for.
4. Lenneth (Valkyrie Profile) and Deborah the Prophetess
Society in Biblical times were patriarchal, meaning that strong women being mentioned in the Bible was about as common as the Chicago Cubs not terribly embarrassing themselves (read: not very often). One female that does stand out, though, is Deborah the Prophetess.
Deborah, for a lack of better words, was totally badass. She used to sit underneath a palm tree, judging people and communing with God. However, she also wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty. When God told Deborah that the Canaanites needed killing, she recruited an army of 10,000 men. The only problem was that the leader, Barak (not to be confused with Barack Obama), was a total wuss and pretty much made Deborah do all the work.
Deborah's video game incarnation is Lenneth, a Valkyrie in the service of Odin, the supreme ruler of the gods. In addition to kicking a whole lot of ass on the battlefield, Lenneth's job is to judge the souls of the dead and recruit fallen warriors to join her army for the battle of Ragnarok. Admittedly, Lenneth's origins may be rooted more in Norse mythology than Biblical lore, but two of history's most underappreciated female characters needed some kind of inclusion on this list.
3. Dycedarg Beoulve (Final Fantasy Tactics) and Absalom
When it comes to being the worst son ever, Dycedarg Beoulve and Absalom, son of King David, are both top contenders for similar reasons. Dycedarg poisoned his father to death slowly over many years so he could become leader of the Order of the Northern Sky, and then later kills his brother, Zalbaag, after a Zodiac stone transforms him into a rampaging monster. Similarly, Absalom murdered his brother, Amnom (who had previously raped their sister, Tamar) and eventually betrayed his father by leading a military campaign to usurp the throne.
So what else do these power hungry megalomaniacs have in common besides patricidal and fratricidal tendencies? Their plots fail. Miserably. Dycedarg actually is mortally wounded by Zalbaag, forcing him to transform into the Zodiac demon. Even with the power of a demon, his younger Ramza ends up finishing him off. Absalom's revolt fares no better. After ignoring the advice of his military advisor and instead listening to one of David's embedded spies, Absalom's forces get their asses routed and the prince ends up getting caught up in a tree by his hair.
To make matters worst for poor Absalom, David's sometimes-friend-but-most-of-the-time-total-asshole military commander, Joab, decides his king's instruction not to kill his son was more of a suggestion than an order and impales Absalom's heart with three javelins. Evidently, Absalom still wasn't dead because it took Joab's ten armor bearers a few more seconds of stabbing to eventually kill the helpless prince.
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