It’s a dark and stormy night. A creepy old mansion sits atop a hill (“somewhere in Maryland”) surrounded by thunder and fog. Who would want to spend Christmas Eve there? F.B.I. agent Fox “Spooky” Mulder (David Duchovny), that’s who, much to the chagrin of his partner Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson).

Thus begins The X-Files holiday episode How the Ghosts Stole Christmas (originally broadcast on Dec. 13, 1998), written and directed by series creator Chris Carter. Anxious to get back home with her family (because, unlike some people, she actually has a life), Dana becomes even more exasperated than usual as Fox tells her his rationale for a little holiday ghost busting.

Mulder: Christmas, 1917. It was a time of dark, dark despair. American soldiers were dying at an ungodly rate in a war-torn Europe while at home, a deadly strain of the flu virus attacked young and old alike. Tragedy was a visitor on every doorstep while a creeping hopelessness set in with every man, woman and child. It was a time of dark, dark despair.

Scully: You said that.

Mulder: But here at 1501 Larkspur Lane for a pair of star-crossed lovers tragedy came not from war or pestilence, not by the boot heel or the bombardier, but by their own innocent hand.

Scully: Go on.

Mulder: His name was Maurice. He was a brooding but heroic young man beloved of Lida, a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went. They were likened to two angels descended from heaven whom the gods could not protect from the horrors being visited upon this cold, grey earth.

Scully: And what happened to them?

Mulder: Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.

Scully: They killed themselves?

Mulder: And their ghosts haunt this house every Christmas Eve. (Scully laughs) I just gave myself chills.

As soon as Fox and Dana enter the house, the doors close and lock behind them. (Despite the fact that both of them carry guns, it never occurs to them to shoot the locks off or break the glass windows.) Now, Fox picks the time to tell Dana something he neglected to mention earlier: three other couples have committed suicide in this house since the original owners’ demise.

After much trickery involving corpses that disappear, rooms that lead to nowhere and doors that open to reveal a brick wall sealing them off, the ghosts of Maurice (Ed Asner) and Lida (Lily Tomlin) finally put in an appearance. It seems their M.O. is to separate the inhabitants and play mind games with them in order to guilt trip them into murder or self-destruction, as Maurice tries to do with Fox.

Maurice: You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?

Mulder: Because I have seen them?

Maurice: 'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely man chasing paramasturbatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance and which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?

Mulder: Paramasturbatory?

In the end, the two ghosts take mercy on our heroes and let them go. Fox ends up spending Christmas Eve the way he spends just about every night he has off: sitting on his couch watching TV (the Alistair Sim version of A Christmas Carol). There’s a knock on the door and, not surprisingly, it’s Dana. She couldn’t sleep and, by the way, even though they agreed not to exchange gifts, that’s exactly what they do. And so Fox, Dana and the audience (who are relieved to see an episode of The X-Files that doesn’t have a depressing ending) have a very merry Christmas.

The X-Files: How the Ghosts Stole Christmas is available from Netflix (Season Six, Disc Two) and Amazon.